» Books:Non-Fict

The Story Behind My Book WAKING UP HAPPY {Guest #Author: Jill Muehrcke} + #Book #Giveaway

The Book Faery — Wed, 09 May 2012 06:00:37 +0000

When I think back to the inspiration for my book, WAKING UP HAPPY: A HANDBOOK OF CHANGE WITH MEMOIRS OF RECOVERY AND HOPE, I think of a night three years ago. Our granddaughter Shyloh had ended up in the hospital after nearly dying of a heroin overdose. She was going into a rehab center the next day.

She had just turned twenty.

She was spending the night at our house so we could take her to Hope Center the next morning. The center was only a mile from where we lived, while Shyloh’s parents lived nearly an hour away. Shyloh had to be at Hope Center at 8:00 sharp for intake in the morning, so we had offered to take her.

Late that night, I heard her sobbing and rushed to her room. She had gotten a call on her cell and learned that her boyfriend was dead. He had died of an overdose. He, too, had been planning to go into treatment, in a different rehab facility. The two of them had great plans for their life together after they both “graduated” from rehab. Shyloh had been telling me all about their plans earlier that evening.

For Tim, that life was never to be.

For Shyloh, the hard work was just beginning.

Shyloh tells her story in WAKING UP HAPPY, and so does her mother – my daughter – Andrea.

I’ll never forget the times when Andrea was a teen and I was wakened in the middle of the night by calls saying that she had nearly died. Several times she overdosed on alcohol and ended up in a coma. We didn’t know if she would survive with brain damage – or if she would survive at all. Once she was found lying outside in the winter cold, where she would have frozen to death if she hadn’t – just by chance – been found.

Leaving Shyloh at Hope Center that morning was wrenching – as much as it had been leaving Andrea at a similar facility when she was fifteen. I couldn’t imagine how Shyloh would manage the huge weight of her grief over Tim’s death, while far from her friends and family and recovering from her addiction at the same time.

But Shyloh did the work, learned the lessons she needed to learn, and rose from the ashes of her previous life in a way I could never have imagined. She began attending meetings at a place called Connections, an oasis of recovery here in Madison, Wisconsin.

As I got to know others at Connections, I realized that all of them had stories that were begging to be told. Like my grandaughter Shyloh – like my daughter Andrea – like me myself – they had faced a crossroads, changed their lives completely, and learned to live with joy and purpose.

I began interviewing people and writing down their stories. While each person had chosen a different path, their journeys had many things in common with my own.

Ever since I’d quit drinking in 1984, I had been collecting exercises, tips, and wisdom to help me forge a new life. Along the way, I had uncovered a few secrets about change. First, I had learned that profound change was, indeed, possible. I had also discovered that it didn’t happen as quickly as I wanted. At first I was constantly frustrated at my turtle-like pace. But then I found the most important secret of all. If I did just one tiny thing differently each day, those small changes, in time, added up to a totally different life. One by one, I left my addictions and bad habits behind. And one day, I realized I was waking up happy.

WAKING UP HAPPY fell into place as I blended people’s stories with the exercises and steps that had worked for them and for me. Each time one of the storytellers in WAKING UP HAPPY learned a lesson in their life, I added activities that readers could do to make those same changes in their lives.

I realized that the book would be helpful not only to those recovering from addictions but to anyone who wanted to make a change in their life. I saw that the strategies for change were similar whether a person wanted to quit smoking, spending too much money, eating the wrong foods, continuing an unhealthy relationship, biting their nails, or compulsively and rudely checking their text messages while with their friends.

Even people who are very successful in their lives are often so invested in working and achieving that they destroy their relationships and let stress ruin their health. Stress can lead to early death. So it can be life-changing to replace overwork with calming, self-enhancing habits.

It became clear to me that by combining the true stories of people who had changed their lives, along with the strategies that had led to real change, I could provide keys that everyone could use to become their best selves and live the most fulfilling lives possible.

And now that WAKING UP HAPPY has been published and I have been hearing from readers, I cannot tell you how amazing it is to watch others pick up those keys and unlock the doors just waiting to swing open.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR…Juliana (Jill) Muehrcke is the award-winning author of many books and articles. Founder and editor of the international magazine Nonprofit World (snpo.org), she has studied at the University of Colorado and the University of Michigan and has a BA degree, specializing in English and psychology, from the University of Washington. Jill is listed in Who’s Who (MarquisWhoswho.com). In her spare time, she enjoys teaching yoga and eating ethnic food. For many years, in several cities, including Seattle, Honolulu, and Madison, she has written restaurant reviews.

Her latest book is Waking Up Happy: A Handbook of Change with Memoirs of Recovery and Hope.

You can visit her website at www.WakingUpHappyBook.com.

Listen to Jill on the Joy Cardin Show at http://wpr.org/search/ideas_program_search.cfm?StartYear=3&keyword=muehrcke&x=0&y=0.

No matter what kind of change you want to make in your life, this book holds the keys. As inspirational as it is practical, this first-of-a-kind handbook focuses on the positive steps of recovery and change. Powerful, absorbing, and beautifully written, it tells people’s true stories, the turning points that changed their lives, and their secrets to waking up happy, along with exercises you can follow to create a new life for yourself.

Brave and honest, Jill Muehrcke’s memoir and the stories of others recovering from addictions, habits, and intolerable situations are filled with triumphs and epiphanies, as well as concrete, step-by-step advice and guidance.

Lessons learned are summarized into secrets you can use to forge your own life-changing journey. The book ends with 365 Steps on Your Journey – one simple step for each day of the year. If you do just one thing from this book every day, you’ll see dramatic growth.

Publication Date: Dec 07 2011

ISBN/EAN13: 0960297871 / 9780960297870

LCCN: 2011925975

Page Count: 286

BUY THE BOOK… Createspace

FROM THE BOOK FAERY REVIEWS…We’re giving away ONE copy of WAKING UP HAPPY by Jill Muehrcke to a lucky reader of this post. This giveaway is open to those with a US/Canadian mailing address and runs through the month of May. Winners will be notified as a reply to their entry in Rafflecopter, on The Book Faery Reviews Facebook Page, and within the RSS feed email that goes out Monday-Friday. Winners are typically announced within a couple of days after the end of the month.

To enter this giveaway, use the Rafflecopter widget (if you are unable to use the widget for whatever reason, email thebookfaeryreviews@gmail.com and we’ll happily manually add your entries in).

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Take a Fresh Look to Make Life Easier {Guest Author: Judy Christie} + #Book #Giveaway

The Book Faery — Tue, 01 May 2012 13:45:14 +0000

A frequent visitor to our Louisiana backyard bird feeders is a persistent squirrel, who I watch with a blend of awe and aggravation.

He spends an amazing amount of effort to get to one particular feeder, stretching, hanging upside down, falling off and getting back on. While I admire his tenacity, he isn’t very smart: The same food is laid out plentifully on two easily accessible feeders nearby.

He makes this much harder than it should be.

If you’ve ever found yourself doing this, too, your busy schedule keeping you from enjoying each day, consider these tips:

Slow down. You can’t do everything. When you say “no” to one thing, you say “yes” to something else.
Identify what gives you energy and what drains your energy. Look for ways to do more things you enjoy and to trim the drainers.
Be clear about What’s Most Important in your life. Schedule time for family and friends, to take a trip, learn something new or enjoy a hobby. If time with children or grandchildren is a priority, put it on your calendar, so that it doesn’t slip away.
Don’t panic when you get swamped. Allow yourself a “get-it-done-hour” and focus on your to-do list, checking off as many things as you can.
Be aware of how much time you spend on distractions, such as online wandering. We waste a lot of time on things that don’t matter, neglecting more important or enjoyable activities.
Deal with nagging problems. Often you can take care of small hassles more simply than you realize. Make a list of issues you deal with again and again. Pick the one that slows you down the most and find a solution.

Have lots of fun along the way, and don’t make life harder than it needs to be. I’d love to hear your tips on how to slow down and enjoy each day more.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR…Author Judy Christie loves to help busy people slow down and enjoy each day more – in her series of novels about Green, Louisiana, and her Hurry Less Worry Less nonfiction books. Judy started her writing career as the editor of The Barret Banner in elementary school and has kept a journal since she was nine (and still has all of them). She likes wandering around flea markets, walking in the park near her North Louisiana home and visiting friends and family on her vintage green Kitchen Couch. Her most recent books are Downtown Green, fifth in the Green series, and Hurry Less Worry Less for Moms.

For Judy’s free tips on how busy moms can hurry less and worry less, listen to her weekly podcast: http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/hurry-less-worry-less/id435253514.

Visit her website at www.judychristie.com, Twitter and the Official Tour Page.

Busy moms know the feeling. They’re constantly trying to fit everything – work, laundry, family fun, shuttle service, you name it – into 24-hours. They want to enjoy each day with their family but sometimes feel like they’re in quicksand and don’t know how to get started on a new path.

Author Judy Christie offers hope, inspiration, practical ideas and reminders of how important it is to step back and take a fresh look at your life in Hurry Less, Worry Less for Moms. The book includes a study guide for group or individual use.

Take a deep breath and refresh your life or that of a busy mom you know with chapters such as: A Map for Mom: Being the person you are meant to be; Organization versus Procrastination; Prayerful Not Fretful; and Making Choices, Facing Changes.

BUY THE BOOK… Amazon | Kindle Store | Barnes & Noble

FROM THE BOOK FAERY REVIEWS… We’re giving away ONE copy of HURRY LESS WORRY LESS FOR MOMS by Judy Christie to a lucky reader of this post. This giveaway is open to those with a US/Canadian mailing address and runs through the month of May. Winners will be notified as a reply to their post comment (email does go out when there is a reply on their original comment), on The Book Faery Reviews Facebook Page, and within the RSS feed email that goes out Monday-Friday. Winners are typically announced within a couple of days after the end of the month.

To enter this giveaway, use the Rafflecopter widget (if you are unable to use the widget for whatever reason, please contact thebookfaeryreviews@gmail.com and we’ll happily manually add your entries in).

…the MANDATORY question to answer below is…

Any thoughts on the authors tips
or anything you’d like to add and share with others?

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FaithGirlz! Bible {#Book Review}

The Book Faery — Wed, 04 Apr 2012 04:24:30 +0000

Every girl wants to know she’s totally unique and special, and contributor Nancy Rue helps them do just that in the revised edition of the NIV Faithgirlz! Bible. As a leading tween expert, Rue teaches girls that the Bible is real and relevant and, best of all, that the story of God and His people is also their story. Girls can now grow closer to God as they discover the journey of a lifetime, in their language, for their world.

The new Faithgirlz! Bible was developed especially for girls ages 9 to 12. Everything in it is written with a tween girl’s experience in mind, and it features the most popular Bible translation in the world, the New International Version. The features explain hard-to-understand things in the Bible and guide girls to put the Scripture to work in their own lives. The Faithgirlz! Bible focuses on sharing faith with friends and gives real ways for girls to do that.

Each book of the Bible has activities that make God’s Word more relevant than ever. And, of course, because it was developed for Faithgirlz! readers, they can expect to find it jam-packed with customized content and artwork that really makes the Bible stand out. Girls will love the cool design, the interactive features and the feeling of knowing that God’s Word is there for them whenever they need it. Some of the features included are:

· Book Introductions—Girls will read the who, when, where and what of each book of the Bible.

· Dream Girl—Girls will use their imaginations to put themselves in the story.

· Is There a Little (Eve, Ruth, Isaiah) in You?—Girls will see for themselves what they have in common with women of the Bible.

· Words to Live By—Girls will discover great Bible verses for memorizing.

· Oh, I Get It!—Girls will find answers to Bible questions they’ve wondered about.
Nancy Rue says, “I hope the Faithgirlz! Bible will help girls grow a friendship with the Bible, their own relationship. It asks questions, asks them to think and challenges them to apply what they’re learning. That’s how they’ll find a deep, personal relationship with God, rather than just by following rules or saying what they’ve been told without really thinking about it. Rules are important, of course, but they only make sense when they really believe the message of the Scriptures. That’s what this Bible is about.” The Faithgirlz! Bible is the perfect Bible to support girls in their journey into the “beauty of believing.”

The main edition of the Faithgirlz! Bible is hardcover, but it is also available in two Italian Duo-Tone designs. For better portability, there is also an NIV Faithgirlz! Backpack Bible. This compact edition does not include the in-text features that the full-size edition has, but it does have twelve full-color pages of Faithgirlz! fun, the words of Christ in red and a ribbon marker. An ebook version is also planned for electronic use.

List Price: $27.99
Reading level: Ages 9 and up
Hardcover: 1504 pages
Publisher: Zonderkidz; Rev Spl edition (March 6, 2012)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0310722365
ISBN-13: 978-0310722366

BUY THE BOOK… Amazon

ABOUT THE CONTRIBUTOR…Nancy Rue has worked as a public school teacher, church youth director, theater workshop developer and camp director. She has written more than eighty books for young people, including the beloved Faithgirlz! Sophie series, The Skin You’re In and Everybody Tells Me to Be Myself but I Don’t Know Who I Am. Nancy lives with her husband and two dogs in Lebanon, TN.

ABOUT FAITHGIRLZ…Faithgirlz! is a collection of books, Bibles and resources designed to provide transformational Christian experiences for tween girls. Faithgirlz! encourages honest tween-girl empowerment by providing engaging, relevant, high-quality offerings, helping tween girls understand their world, learn biblical teachings, become closer to God and grow into godly teenagers. Faithgirlz! offers excellent content and contributions from leading Christian tween writers and spokespeople including Nancy Rue, Melody Carlson, Kristi Holl, Naomi Kinsman and more. Faithgirlz! is also supported with a website (www.Faithgirlz.com), Facebook page and mother and daughter live events across the country.

FROM THE BOOK FAERY REVIEWS…My 12 year old daughter really enjoyed this version of a Bible. It was properly geared for her age group and it’s one she has been preferring over her collection of Bible’s. She loves discovering something new from the Bible and even about herself as she’s been using it. Glad to have made reading the Bible easier and more enjoyable for her.

It is time for a FIRST Wild Card Tour book review! If you wish to join the FIRST blog alliance, just click the button. We are a group of reviewers who tour Christian books. A Wild Card post includes a brief bio of the author and a full chapter from each book toured. The reason it is called a FIRST Wild Card Tour is that you never know if the book will be fiction, non~fiction, for young, or for old…or for somewhere in between! Enjoy your free peek into the book!

AND NOW…A SAMPLE. PLEASE CLICK ON THE PICTURES TO VIEW THEM LARGER:

***Special thanks to Rick Roberson of The B&B Media Group for sending me a review copy.***

Conscious Calm: Keys to Freedom From Stress and Worry {#Book Review}

The Book Faery — Fri, 30 Mar 2012 02:17:30 +0000

Ready to transform stress and worry for good? When you are stressed and worried, looking for lasting stress relief can be overwhelming. There is so much information it’s hard to know where to start and what to do. Conscious Calm makes it simple. This book focuses on the internal patterns of stress that often go unnoticed, and shows you how to undo those patterns so that lasting calm becomes possible.Conscious Calm reveals 9 Stress Secrets that can keep you stuck in stress, and 9 Conscious Calm Keys to experiencing stress relief and peace of mind. Integrating science and wisdom from both East and West, Conscious Calm uncovers the inner stress traps that we fall into, and provides a clear, step by step guide to transforming stress into lasting calm, inner peace and greater happiness.

Paperback: 180 pages
Publisher: Tap Into Freedom Publishing (October 26, 2011)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 1937749029
ISBN-13: 978-1937749026

BUY THE BOOK… Amazon

ABOUT THE AUTHOR…Dr. Laura Maciuika is a clinical psychologist, teacher, and transformation mentor. She specializes in supporting the transformation of old patterns and internal blocks into new-found inner freedom, joy, and success. Laura is the author of Conscious Calm: Keys to Freedom from Stress and Worry.

FOLLOW THE AUTHOR… Blog | Twitter @lauramaciuika | Facebook

FROM THE BOOK FAERY REVIEWS…Over the years I’ve learned many coping mechanisms to relieving any stress and / or worry that might come my way both in the form of others and myself. Reading this book was a nice refresher and there were a couple new techniques for me to try. I was all over the breathing section. It’s something I try to remember every day and especially during those moments when things feel like they could unravel. Something I do need to work at is having that daily “Being Break” in which I not only turn off things around me externally but also shut down my mind and just be without any other thought. It’s when I feel we can truly feel a moment of peace. Maciuika also talks about our emotions, how to become more aware of them, and how to work with them comfortably. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that if I LET things stress me out and LET the worry bother me, I WILL be stressed out, worried, and overwhelmed. BUT if I re-channel that negativeness into something more positive, life is much easier for me AND those around me. AND I’ve learned to just breathe…….

While the problems and challenges do exist out there, it’s what you tell yourself about those problems all day long, and the choices you make INSIDE your mind, that help drive the underlying engines of feeling stressed out and worried. – EXCELLENT POINT!

By not using our energy to fuel worried or scared thoughts of past or future, we have more energy available for the present. – ANOTHER EXCELLENT POINT!

Definitely a good book to read if you’re needing to free yourself from stress and constant worry. I’ll likely revisit the book at another time.

I received a copy of the book in exchange for an honest review as part of the Pump Up Your Book virtual book tour.

Stress and Motor Mind {Guest #Author: Dr. Laura Maciuika}

The Book Faery — Wed, 28 Mar 2012 13:25:57 +0000

When I started writing Conscious Calm, one of the things I wanted to do was play with language a little. What were newer, fresher ways I might describe what we do internally without even noticing, those activities that often create even more stress in our busy lives?

One of the phrases I ended up using is “Motor Mind.” It’s been fun to hear how some people are taking the phrase on in classrooms, families and work places. Motor Mind is that ongoing, non-stop thinking we tend to do when we are busy, in high gear, and stressed. It’s an internal talking to ourselves that goes on as if it had its own motor and an endless energy source. Motor Mind activity can include going over conversations with ourselves that happened at work yesterday (or in an argument ten years ago), reviewing the To Do list for today, or telling ourselves stories about our friends, families, or the usual star in many of our bigger and smaller dramas… ourselves.

Motor Mind is deceptive, because it really can feel like the non-stop thinking is going on all by itself, as if we have nothing to do with it. And it’s true that over-thinking is a deep habit, especially in our stressed, over-doing modern society. At every turn there is another bit of information grabbing our attention for us to think about. For many stressed people, it can be a challenge to turn Motor Mind off at night and rest deeply; it’s as if we’ve forgotten where the turn off switch is.

The truth about Motor Mind is that we have more control over our thinking than we may know. Thoughts come and go, but the key is in whether or not we pay attention to a thought and start adding mental and emotional fuel to the thinking fire. Often the greater the emotional intensity around a thought, the more difficult it is to let go. But it can be freeing to realize that we can have control over how much emotional and mental fuel goes into that fire. We can get all riled up about a thought or memory and tell ourselves drama-filled stories about how something should have gone differently – that’s actually a choice. Or we can choose again when we notice a lot of intensity or emotion around something that happened, and ask ourselves questions about what we want or need: do I need to speak up here? Do I just need to let this one go and move on?

While Motor Mind can seem to run us, that’s actually the tail wagging the dog. We have much more choice about where we put our attention and what we do internally than we are taught in most families or schools. Noticing when Motor Mind revs up, and choosing to pull the emergency brake or at least slow down, puts you back in charge, and can lead to feeling freer, more in control, and happier.

FOLLOW THE AUTHOR… Blog | Twitter @lauramaciuika | Facebook

Ready to transform stress and worry for good? When you are stressed and worried, looking for lasting stress relief can be overwhelming. There is so much information it’s hard to know where to start and what to do. Conscious Calm makes it simple. This book focuses on the internal patterns of stress that often go unnoticed, and shows you how to undo those patterns so that lasting calm becomes possible.Conscious Calm reveals 9 Stress Secrets that can keep you stuck in stress, and 9 Conscious Calm Keys to experiencing stress relief and peace of mind. Integrating science and wisdom from both East and West, Conscious Calm uncovers the inner stress traps that we fall into, and provides a clear, step by step guide to transforming stress into lasting calm, inner peace and greater happiness.

Paperback: 180 pages

Publisher: Tap Into Freedom Publishing (October 26, 2011)

Language: English

ISBN-10: 1937749029

ISBN-13: 978-1937749026

BUY THE BOOK… Amazon | Barnes & Noble

I received a copy of the book in exchange for an honest review as part of the Pump Up Your Book virtual book tour.

Successful Women Think Differently: 9 Habits to Make You Happier, Healthier, and More Resilient {#Book Spotlight}

The Book Faery — Fri, 09 Mar 2012 08:56:03 +0000

In Successful Women Think Differently, Valorie Burton helps women create new thought processes that empower them to succeed in their relationships, finances, work, health, and spiritual life. In this powerful and practical guide, women will gain insight into who they really are and receive the tools, knowledge, and understanding to succeed.

List Price: $12.99
Paperback: 208 pages
Publisher: Harvest House Publishers (February 1, 2012)
ISBN-10: 0736938567
ISBN-13: 978-0736938563

BUY THE BOOK… Barnes & Noble | Amazon | Christianbook.com

ABOUT THE AUTHOR…Valorie Burton is a certified personal and executive coach who has served hundreds of clients in over 40 states and seven countries. She is founder and director of The Coaching and Positive Psychology Institute and the author of six books on personal development. She is deeply committed to helping people be more resilient so they can thrive in life and work, be more productive, and live with balance and purpose.

Visit the author’s website.

It is time for a FIRST Wild Card Tour! If you wish to join the FIRST blog alliance, just click the button. We are a group of reviewers who tour Christian books. A Wild Card post includes a brief bio of the author and a full chapter from each book toured. The reason it is called a FIRST Wild Card Tour is that you never know if the book will be fiction, non~fiction, for young, or for old…or for somewhere in between!

Enjoy your free peek into the book!

You never know when I might play a wild card on you!

AND NOW…THE FIRST CHAPTER:

Believe You Can Do It

How you explain your success and failure predicts more about your potential than you think

Key Lessons

 Optimism is a key to reaching high levels of success

 Adopt a “growth mindset” rather than a fixed one

 Take notice of your thoughts—and adjust them as needed

Cecily struggled with her weight for several years before her doctor gave her a serious wake-up call: she was prediabetic. She needed to lose 40 pounds and maintain a regimen of exercise and a healthier diet. The mid-afternoon vending machine runs for Little Debbies and potato chips would need to stop. So would the couch potato habits and all the excuses for why she didn’t have time to exercise. But every time Cecily talked about doing better, her thoughts and subsequent words looked something like this:

I’ve tried before and failed. What’s the point of trying again if the same thing is going to happen? It’s a waste of time. I just need to accept that I’m a big woman. My mother is big. My sister gained weight after 30. Why should I think I can be any different? Healthy food is bland. I don’t want it. And I’m embarrassed to work out in public. I don’t want people staring at my flabby, overweight body. I can’t do this.

With these thoughts, Cecily set out to do what the doctor suggested. As you can imagine, her efforts were short-lived. Her counterproductive thoughts overpowered her intentions. Actions follow thoughts, and counterproductive thoughts will always send you in the opposite direction of your goal.

Think back for a moment to a recent failure. Maybe it was a relationship that went south or a promotion you were denied or a decision that got you into hot water. Or maybe it is something simpler—a test you failed or that 21-day diet that you’d already given up on by day two. Got a failure in mind? We all have them. Now, answer this question honestly and without too much thought: Why did you fail? Jot down the first things that come to mind. Just a short bullet-pointed list:

Did you write down your reasons? If not, don’t skip that part. Write it down.

It’s a simple exercise, but noticing how you think about failure can tell you a great deal about how high you will ascend on the success ladder. Numerous books will tell you that to be successful, you should simply emulate successful people. It can be tempting, then, to observe a woman who has achieved success, whether in her relationships or finances or health or work, and take notes about the steps she took to get to her destination. Why is it, then, that you can take two women with very similar backgrounds, education, and experience, and one excels while the other languishes? Why does one clear the hurdle when she faces it and the other trips and falls flat on her face, never to get up again? Why does one set big, compelling goals while the other settles for far less than she seems capable of ?

Many of the answers to these questions cannot be found by simply observing the steps each woman chose to take. The more important insight is to understand what caused one of them to take those steps—to even think to take those steps—while the other did not. The edge the successful woman has over the average is in her thought processes. It is not external, but internal. Sometimes it is learned through experiences and parental examples. However, some aspects of the thought process come very naturally to you. You are either more optimistic or pessimistic in your thinking. Although you may naturally lean in one direction or the other in the face of a challenge or opportunity, an optimistic thinking style can be learned.

Let me be specific about what I mean by these two terms. The hallmark of a pessimist is that she tends to believe negative events in life will last forever, will impact everything she does, and are all her fault. But when faced with similar circumstances, the optimist believes just the opposite. She sees the event as a temporary setback, believes it is limited to this specific instance, and doesn’t blame it all on herself. Instead, the optimist sees all of the external circumstances that contributed—other people, poor timing, and even God’s will.

So let’s go back to that recent failure you identified a moment ago and take a look at the reasons you gave for it. Re-read what you wrote. Then, answer one more question: Are all of your reasons personal faults and character traits? In other words, are your reasons things that you can’t do anything about or are some of your reasons changeable?

Women who are most successful explain their failures in terms of things they can take control over. In other words, they realize they have weaknesses and faults, but those are not the sole reasons why things go wrong. Instead, they focus on the external reasons—people who made things more difficult, the fact that they weren’t as prepared as they could have been, the fact that the economy was bad, the weather was bad, the boss was having a bad day again.

None of these reasons have permanent implications. After all, next time she can prepare better, the weather may improve, the economy won’t be bad forever, and even if the boss keeps his job, she can always find another boss to work for in another department or company. Failing this time doesn’t mean failing next time. With a few intentional tweaks and changes, the next go-round will be a clean slate.

The successful woman is hopeful. She is empowered by knowledge of lessons gleaned from the failure of the previous try. She doesn’t take failure personally and she knows that failing doesn’t make her a failure. She knows that internalizing failure is a death sentence for her dreams. After all, if you’re a failure, what’s the point of attempting to be a success?

This last question is critical. The two thinking styles—optimistic and pessimistic—produce specific results. Numerous studies illustrate that pessimists don’t persevere. They give up more easily. They become depressed more often. And for women, this is even more pronounced. We are twice as likely as men to experience depression, and the average age of the first onset of depression is now just 14 years old—half the age it was just a few decades ago. Because we experience higher highs and lower lows emotionally than men do, we can be more sensitive to the emotional impact of our goals and efforts to reach them. Having an optimistic thinking style results in feelings that encourage us to persevere in the face of challenges.

Consider the girl who sets out to sell Girl Scout cookies. Her goal is to sell 20 boxes in front of the grocery store on Saturday. When her four-hour shift is over, she has sold just four boxes. You ask her what happened and the conversation goes something like this:

You: I’m sure you were disappointed. Why do you think you only sold four boxes?

Girl: I’m no good at selling anything. My mom said she had a sales job once and she’s no good at it either. Nobody likes these cookies that much. I hate bothering people. Everybody’s on a budget these days and all the women say they’re trying to lose weight and can’t eat sweets. I don’t know if I’m going to bother going back next Saturday.

Now, I know you’re not a little girl, but sometimes when it comes to self-talk that little girl voice emerges and it can sabotage your success. The eternal pessimist explains her failures as personal (flaws or traits that have no hope of changing), permanent (the problem will exist forever), and pervasive (the personal flaw that caused the failure will sabotage your success in other ways too). Psychologists call it your “explanatory” or thinking style. I call it the determining factor in whether or not you will be as successful as you are capable of being. The sooner you start paying attention to what you say to yourself about your life, your circumstances, and yes, your failures, the sooner you will break through to the next level.

LEARNING TO FAIL FORWARD

At 28, Meredith Moore became the youngest director in the McDonald’s Corporation. But her stellar career didn’t start off so stellar. A series of bumps could have bruised her, but instead took her on an inner journey that landed her in a role reporting to the president of one of the most recognizable brands in the world.

When Meredith graduated from Howard University with a degree in communications, the Minnesota native took a job at an international financial services firm. Initially she was trained to be a stockbroker, but passing the licensing exam proved to be struggle. Still, on the job she was a star performer her first year—an accolade she thought would be rewarded. But in the stodgy “good ole boy” environment, her talent wasn’t as great an asset as she’d imagined. “The HR rep at the company said something peculiar after my first year and I’ve always remembered it: ‘Talented people push back.’ ” In other words, talented people see where there is room for improvement and expect that others want to improve. Talented people question the status quo. Talented people are driven to succeed and therefore they notice what’s happening—or not happening—that might impede success. The culture was not a good fit and Meredith was soon reassigned from the East Coast to the Midwest.

“The company was stuck in 1955,” she reflects. “They didn’t want new people.” If the culture had been the only problem, she may have been able to persist longer, but soon Meredith found that her competence was being called into question on a regular basis—something she’d never experienced before. For years, Meredith had confidence in her ability to write—it was something that brought her a sense of joy and accomplishment. It was a gift she’d honed over the years, especially in college. Now, she had a supervisor who told her plain and simple, “You can’t write.” To make matters worse, the supervisor refused to offer any feedback on what exactly she needed to improve. “I had always been pretty good at assessing my abilities. Since childhood, I had been a good writer. The organization beat me down so much that I started to say to myself, ‘I’m not a good writer.’ But my job in marketing and communications was 90 percent writing.”

Work was becoming a struggle as Meredith attempted to please a boss who couldn’t be pleased. “It was a toxic environment. I tried every chain of contacting the human resources department, mentors, or anyone I thought could help me improve the situation. Everyone said, ‘Just hold on.’ Eventually, though, they said, ‘We can’t help you.’ ” Meredith felt isolated in more ways than one—in a company with few prospects for advancement, in a town she had no connection to, many miles from family or the friends she’d had in college, and with no church or community connections. She knew she needed to come up with a game plan. Although her parents advised her to stick it out, that advice felt unbearable to Meredith.

“I had never quit before,” Meredith says. “But the pivotal moment for me was when I began to doubt myself. That had never been my mode of operation.” It was Meredith’s self-sabotaging thoughts that concerned her more than anything else. She understood something at a young age, a critical key to success for women: successful women believe in themselves. They have an authentic confidence that buoys them in the face of challenges and opportunities. Without that confidence, Meredith would lack the fuel to reach her goals. So she quit, and she did so quite unconventionally. One night, fed up, she decided never to go back to work at the company she’d called her employer for a year and eight months. “I packed up in the middle of the night, cleaned up my apartment, took my cat, and drove to Chicago. I left with no job.”

Meredith immediately landed a job that was essentially an internship with an ad agency. At $10 an hour, it was a far cry from her very comfortable paycheck plus benefits at the financial services firm. She was adamant though, that she had made the right decision. “I learned my worth and value. I was only making $10 an hour, but I wasn’t being disrespected. I was willing to let go of all of my earthly belongings to avoid having people treat me badly,” she says. No one understood her decision to leave, especially her parents. But Meredith learned a key lesson through the experience. Previously, she said, she always felt she needed other people to validate her pain and her experiences. But something clicked for her the night she decided to pack up and leave. “I figured out that if I experienced it, it was valid. Other people don’t need to validate my pain in order for it to be real.”

Her leap of faith wasn’t without a net for long. For one, she had her sister and a new church home where she felt inspired and grounded. Then opportunity knocked. “I had forgotten that I applied for a job at McDonald’s Corporation while I was still at the previous company,” she remembers. The company, headquartered in a suburb of Chicago, called a week and a half into her internship with the ad agency and offered her a job as a communications supervisor. She would be supporting the Chief Operating Officer of McDonald’s USA with research for the financial writing needs of the company.

“There are times when you just know that God has a hand in your life,” she says. “There is no way I could have ordained that.” Still, she admits, “It felt like a setback because I wasn’t getting the chance to write.” But she was in the right place at the right time, and the doubts about her writing abilities had dissipated since leaving.

She struck up a conversation with the COO one day. He asked her, “What do you see as your next step here?” It was just the question Meredith wanted to hear. “I think I can be one of the writers,” she answered. He took notice of her answer—clear and concise, and simple enough for him to act on. “He let me start helping out on some of his stuff. For example, he had an upcoming trip to Pittsburgh and let me look at his speech. I gave him some feedback.” And he did the one thing she’d hoped for at her last job: he offered her feedback. “I loved that he would tell me why something did or didn’t work! I needed that. I could learn!” Within six months, the COO promoted her to communications manager. And when he was promoted to president of the company, the communications demands of his office increased, along with Meredith’s responsibilities. She became external relations manager, and then director of external relations and brand outreach, making her the youngest director at the multi-billion-dollar McDonald’s USA.

LESSONS FOR FAILING FORWARD

Meredith didn’t specifically set out to become the youngest director in the company. She aimed to find a place where her talents could be appreciated, where she could learn and grow, and where a mentor would be an advocate for her. When asked what’s next, she mirrors the same approach that has worked for her so far. “I don’t know what my goal is. I’ve had such accidental blessings, but I’ve been ready for them when they showed up,” she says.

I see it a bit differently. Meredith is the type of woman who aims for passion and excellence. It is a strength so innate to her approach to life that she doesn’t even call it a goal, but it leads her to succeed at high levels. She is prepared when opportunity knocks. “I don’t know what my experiences are preparing me for, but I’m excited about it,” Meredith says. “I’m optimistic about my future. My thirties are looking pretty good!”

We can see many of the seven decisions in Meredith’s story. She refused to downsize her dream, chose courage over fear, actively sought feedback, and focused on solutions instead of problems. Here are a few more lessons:

 She refused to internalize the negativity she experienced at her first job. Instead, she attributed her failure there to the culture of the company and the stubbornness of her boss rather than exclusively attributing the problems to her own character flaws or lack of ability.

 She failed forward. She was willing to take a step back in order to find a better path.

 She took a risk.

 She took decisive action by cutting her losses and starting over.

 She believed in herself.

 She knew herself, and was able to decipher between “her stuff ” and “other people’s stuff.” When others’ negative issues tried to redefine who she was, she recognized it as “their stuff ” and didn’t make those issues her own.

 She volunteered to help with assignments outside of her job description so that she could demonstrate her abilities and also learn and grow.

 Sometimes sticking it out is not the best option. Sometimes you need to push the reset button and start again.

In Meredith’s case, a pivotal shift occurred when she realized she was beginning to be pessimistic about her abilities and doubt herself in a way she never had before. She was self-aware, and she knew her new thoughts were a threat to her future success. She innately understood that she had to turn those thoughts around. She knew it would be an uphill climb to change her thoughts in such a toxic environment, so she changed environments.

We’ll talk a bit more about self-awareness later, but for now, just keep in mind that succeeding at the next level will mean becoming much more aware of your thoughts. What are you telling yourself about your failures? Is it “I always mess up” or “I was exhausted today”? Is it “Nobody will spend money on my products in a bad economy” or “I’ve got to find the people who are still spending money despite a bad economy”? If your mind were an electronic billboard for the world to see, what are the thoughts they’d get to read? It takes intention to accurately capture your thoughts. With practice, you can notice them and approve the ones that help you, inviting them in and repeating them as often as needed to move you to the right actions. It’s all about your thinking style in the face of failures or disappointments.

WHAT’S YOUR MINDSET?

Dr. Carol Dweck, a professor of psychology at Stanford University, has spent much of her career studying the mental attitudes of the most successful people—young and old—in the face of challenges and opportunities. What she has discovered is a fundamental difference in the mindset of the most successful people.

Her quest began early in her career as she engaged in research to better understand how people cope with failure. She observed young students grappling with problems, using puzzles as the method of problem solving. Beginning with fairly simple puzzles, she then had students move on to harder ones. Her goal was not to see who finished the puzzles fastest or had the easiest time solving the puzzles. Instead, she studied each student’s thought process by observing the strategies they used to solve the problem and probing their thoughts and feelings during problem solving.

She noticed that a handful of students in her studies did something peculiar compared to the others: they welcomed challenge. They were excited by the puzzles they had trouble solving. The harder the puzzle, the more determined they seemed. While other students were motivated by the possibility of looking smart and were deflated by feelings of discouragement in the face of the difficult puzzles, these students were not intimidated. When these “peculiar” students appeared to be failing because they couldn’t solve the puzzle, they didn’t even seem to view the experience as failing. Instead, they clearly thought they were learning.

What Dr. Dweck pinpointed through her research can profoundly impact how you approach your entire life—from career and relationships to health and financial habits. She called this simple but fundamental difference “fixed mindset” and “growth mindset.”

A fixed mindset is focused on talent. Someone with a fixed mindset believes statements like “You are smart and therefore you will do well in life” and “You are naturally gifted and that will take you far.” Those who have a fixed mindset believe that one’s natural gifts and abilities determine how far one can go in life. These are the people who believe that one’s intelligence is defined by one’s IQ, GPA, and SAT scores. These numbers become not just a measure of potential, but a limitation of potential. Those blessed with very high scores in a particular area of life gain a sense of confidence—but also insecurity. Since potential is measured by a set criteria, falling below that criteria can put one’s very intelligence or value at stake.

I recall believing I was smart and questioning that belief after getting low scores on the verbal section of the SAT. If I had allowed those scores to define my potential, I certainly would not be an author today! When we allow our potential to be limited by grades or performance reviews, it affects our belief in our own possibilities.

Many women are trained to operate in this mindset from childhood on. You were praised for your giftedness. This praise may even, at times, have made you feel more special or worthy than others. You probably don’t like to admit this, but for many it is true. Parents sometimes even encourage this belief in the name of building confidence in their children. But it is dangerous. What happens when you believe the reason you succeed is solely based on your giftedness? When you don’t succeed, it can be devastating. You are constantly in a position of proving how smart you are and how gifted you are. And the pressure can be intense. So much so that people with a fixed mindset shy away from challenges they are unsure they can conquer. “Better to stay in my comfort zone than to risk failure,” they say to themselves subconsciously. Every opportunity or challenge is an evaluation of their worth. “Will I be a success or a failure? Will I gain more approval or end up rejected?”

Another trait of those with a fixed mindset is that they look down on effort. “If you have to try hard, you must not really be that good,” the fixed mindset says. Before I became aware of the mindsets, I discovered this attitude in myself. It was holding me back tremendously and I didn’t even know it. The same could be true for you.

Using the technique of coaching through journaling, I began peeling back the layers as I sought to understand why I was so stuck as I tried to move toward some exciting goals that I’d set for myself. Here’s how that internal conversation went:

Question: What am I so afraid of when it comes to being more assertive about marketing my company and services?

Self: I don’t know that I am afraid. It just seems like if my marketing is effective, I wouldn’t have to directly ask for opportunities.

Question: What is so bad about directly asking for opportunities?

Self: I know it is a normal part of business to ask. And a lot of people ask for opportunities. But if you are really successful and talented, you don’t have to ask. You are asked. You are invited.

This was a bit of a lightbulb moment! I was actually surprised to hear myself say this. “Successful people don’t have to ask.” Where did I get this idea from? I knew I believed it, but I also knew it might be a faulty belief. So I continued probing. This is what you have to do sometimes to get to the bottom of an issue. Without having a name for it at the time, what I discovered was a fixed mindset. Here’s what I was really saying: If you have talent, you don’t have to try so hard. You don’t have to ask! Trying hard somehow diminishes your talent. You aren’t really that talented if the way you arrived at success was by putting forth so much effort. Gifted people are naturally successful. So I continued the self-coaching conversation:

Question: So is it true that successful people—truly successful ones—don’t have to ask? Think of highly successful people you know. Is this the principle they subscribe to?

Self: Well, as I think about my mentors and even well-known entrepreneurs, I know they ask for opportunities. They don’t just wait to see what shows up. They get clear about what they want and they are not afraid to ask for it.

Question: So is your belief that “successful and talented people don’t ask” helping you or hurting you?

Self: It’s definitely hurting me. First, it’s simply untrue. And second, it’s leading me to use an approach that is much too passive.

Question: What new belief do you want to replace that old one with?

Self: Truly successful people ask for opportunities. They don’t just market, they also sell. And they put forth a lot of effort, which in no way diminishes their talent. Instead, it shows their commitment. Not asking because you believe it will diminish your talent is simply prideful.

In this short five-minute self-coaching exercise, I unearthed a limiting belief that had been lying just beneath the surface of my actions (or lack thereof) for years. And it was rooted in a fixed mindset that says effort is somehow a negative. After all, if you fail and you can say you didn’t really put forth much effort, you have an excuse. But if you fail and you truly gave it your all, your very worth is at stake. Women with a fixed mindset are terrified of failure. In the mind of a woman with a fixed mindset, failure is not what you do, but it defines who you are. The exciting part is that you have a choice.

Think back to a time when you failed and then called into question your own intelligence or abilities. Perhaps you began to doubt whether you could ever accomplish what you set out to do. You failed in a relationship and decided you were doomed to remain single forever. “I just don’t get the love thing. I’m no good at it,” you say. Or, “I keep getting rejected by men. I must be unlovable.” These are decisive evaluations of your relationship abilities that give you no room for improvement. “This is who you are and how you are and it’s not going to change,” the fixed mindset says. That mindset works just fine when you are succeeding at everything, but when you start struggling or failing, it simply leaves no hope for the future.

The fixed mindset says life dealt you a hand and that’s it. This often causes people, dissatisfied with the hand they’ve been dealt, to bluff about the hand they’ve been given. These are people who often feel afraid they will be found out. They are constantly trying to prove themselves and sometimes feel like an imposter putting on a façade of smarts and personality to win people’s approval and praise. The growth mindset offers an approach that melts anxiety and opens the door to amazing possibilities. It says your natural traits are more than just something you have to live with, but simply a starting point. You can cultivate the qualities needed to succeed through your own efforts. A growth mindset believes you can grow through experience and change substantially through your actions. Unlike a fixed mindset, a growth mindset doesn’t disdain effort. It thrives on it!

Because those with a growth mindset believe that through effort they can learn things they previously did not understand, improve personality traits, and even grow in intelligence, they are not as easily discouraged by failure. When you have a growth mindset, challenges that stretch you far beyond your comfort zone actually excite you. You realize you’re going to learn something. You will be expanded by the experience, not judged by it.

Women with a growth mindset believe that with years of discipline and passion, their true potential is unknown. Why waste time hiding your shortcomings rather than simply overcoming them? Why not make friends or search for a spouse who will challenge you to grow rather than simply quell your insecurities? Why stay in your comfort zone and play it safe when you could stretch toward your true dreams?

Another important distinction is this: Studies show that just as people are very poor predictors of what will make them truly happy, we are also poor judges of our own abilities. Those who are most inaccurate at estimating what they are capable of are those with a fixed mindset.

Consider this: If you believe you can improve, you are not as intimidated by the idea that your abilities are not currently as great as you would like. In your mind, those abilities are not set in stone. They will change as you actively learn and grow. However, if you believe that your abilities are permanently set you will be more likely to inflate them. If there’s no room for growth or change, you’ll want to impress people as much as possible right now!

DOES A GROWTH MINDSET
NEGATE STRENGTHS?

When you build on your strengths rather than assuming they are fixed, you multiply your efforts. Sure, you may be a natural-born leader and you’ve been leading for years, but does that mean you couldn’t still be more effective? A woman with a fixed mindset is content to rest on her laurels. A growth mindset sees strengths as only a starting point. Wisely, she taps into her strengths and then nourishes that talent.

Choosing a growth mindset doesn’t mean your individual strengths don’t matter. In fact, a woman with a growth mindset notices strengths and weaknesses more than those with a fixed mindset. It simply recognizes that skills can be developed—whether in one’s career, relationships, finances, spiritual life, or health habits.

This is particularly exciting news if you have ever felt you were stuck with your circumstances—that your intelligence is a fixed entity, that your relationship skills are set, or that your penchant for flubbing finances is an unchangeable trait you inherited from a parent. You can change. You are capable of far more than you may have previously thought.

Dream of changing careers, but feel like it’s too late to change course? Always wish that you had gone to college or graduate school, but fear you can’t cut it? Had a string of broken relationships and feel like you’ll never understand the opposite sex? There is abundant hope for you! You can learn new skills, patterns, and habits that will transform your ability to succeed at the endeavors most meaningful to you. Your most successful path to doing so will marry your strengths with a growth mindset—taking you to higher heights than you’ve ever experienced before.

It’s time to stretch beyond your comfort zone.

I learned this firsthand after uncovering my fixed mindset belief that successful women somehow “ascend” to the top. They don’t have to ask for opportunities. Instead, if they are really talented, opportunities show up on their own. To be clear, opportunities often do show up on their own for women with talent. They are a like a magnet that attracts opportunities. But there can sometimes be a strategic danger to using “attraction” as your sole method of success. What happens when you don’t attract the right opportunities? What happens when you want to go to a completely new level and you are simply not in the right place or around the right types of people to bring that vision to fruition? What happens if God is calling you out of your comfort zone to stretch and break free of your fear of rejection or failure? It is during those times that it is essential to tap into a growth mindset.

In fact, it could be argued that God calls us to a growth mindset. Consider these Scriptures:

 “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”—Romans 12:2

 “With God, all things are possible.”—Matthew 19:26

 “To him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.”—Ephesians 3:20

From a spiritual perspective, you cannot possibly believe that your potential is fixed and has no potential to expand. If you believe all things are possible, then you can rest assured that if you open your mind, you could find yourself growing beyond your wildest dreams.

Have you told yourself that you’re stuck in any of these areas? Where do you believe you have little hope or no further potential?

 Presentation skills. You are scared to death to speak in front of people. You’ve accepted this, and, for the most part, avoid any situation in which you are asked to make a presentation.

 Accounting and finance. You don’t know the difference between a financial statement and a balance sheet, and see no reason to fix that. You’ve decided you’re not that good with numbers and you can live with that. When people talk finances in a meeting, your motto is from Proverbs 17:28: “Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent!”

 Personal finances. Maybe you never find yourself in a situation where you need to understand business accounting, but you cannot avoid the need to better manage your personal finances. You are financially illiterate and don’t understand what it will take for you to ever find financial freedom and peace. And the idea of learning scares you.

 Getting fit. You see women in magazines or even jogging down the street who seem to have some magical ability to take care of themselves. You were never an athlete as a kid, and see no reason to start now. The idea of making fitness a part of your lifestyle—something that you do daily—seems daunting and out of character for you. Yet it is also intriguing. Could you actually do it?

 New career. You don’t actually want to be in pharmaceutical sales or teaching or ___________ (you fill in the blank!) any more. You have a dream of becoming an attorney or author or _________________. But do you really have what it takes? You don’t know anything about the field—you just know you feel drawn to it and you have the strengths for it. Is that enough to take a step in a new direction? There’s so much you’d have to learn. What if you can’t cut it?

 Love life. You and your husband seem to be stuck in a rut. He just doesn’t get you. He probably never will. And frankly, you’re so frustrated with him that you’ve given up trying to see his point of view or to keep bending and changing to please him. After twelve years of marriage, you have almost lost hope that this will ever be the kind of marriage you’d dreamed of before you tied the knot. Now you just feel stuck. Is there really hope for undoing old habits? Could you actually learn to communicate better?

 Shyness. You’ve always been shy. It’s the reason you don’t have many friends, and you blame your lack of career advancement on it. After all, shy people aren’t exactly good networkers. Shyness is a personality trait, right? That’s not something you can change. Well, what if you could?

That’s the question I want to plant as a seed in your mind. What if you could change? What if being shy or a procrastinator or a poor communicator or math-averse was something you could permanently overcome? If there was a road map to doing so, would you be willing to follow the map? I hope so. Open your mind to the possibility that what you know now as your potential is only a fraction of what is truly possible. The key to advancement is recognizing that your limitations are not unchangeable, fixed, or genetic. With education you can expand your understanding in these areas. With discipline, your possibilities are truly limitless.

HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN SUCCESS?

At the beginning of the chapter we examined your perceptions of a recent failure. Your success is determined just as much by your thinking style as your failures. Think back to a recent success you had. It can be something big or small. Jot it down here:

Why did you succeed? Jot down a few bullet-pointed reasons here:

Now, let’s take a look at how you explain your success. Did you attribute it to external factors (luck, other people, the weather) or internal ones (you worked hard, you’re smart, you’re disciplined)? Did you see your success as temporary (I succeeded this time, but who knows if I can pull it off again?) or permanent (it could definitely happen again)? Did you see it as specific (I am good at this one thing, and that’s it) or pervasive (my success at this task represents a bigger theme in my life)?

DO YOU EXPLAIN
YOUR SUCCESS AWAY?

Interestingly, a disproportionate number of women who succeed at high levels experience what researchers call the “imposter syndrome.” It is a phenomenon that occurs when you are unable to really connect the dots and internalize your accomplishments. Despite your hard work, competence, and experience, you see success as a fluke, pure luck, or your ability to get others to believe you are smarter or more talented than you really are. As a result, you have a nagging feeling that people are going to find you out—that eventually, the jig will be up and you’ll be found out. Strangely, successful men simply do not report feeling this way nearly as often as women. I recall a coaching client whose successful talent had been showcased nationally, even landing her on the Oprah Winfrey Show. She confided to me, “I feel like a fraud. I mean, I do the work, but I don’t think I’m more talented than anyone else. I always feel like people are going to find out that I’m really not that great.” A recent Psychology Today article pointed out rich and famous women who were impacted by the imposter syndrome. After being nominated for three Academy awards and six Golden Globes, actress Michelle Pfeiffer shared her self-doubts in an interview in 2002. “I still think people will find out that I’m really not very talented. I’m really not very good. It’s all been a big sham.” The article went on to quote Academy Award winner Kate Winslet: “Sometimes I wake up in the morning before going off to a shoot, and I think, I can’t do this. I’m a fraud.”

If it happens at such public and high levels of success, what happens to us in the everyday efforts of life—in our marriages and relationships, as mothers and managers, employees and business owners? Whether you face doubts as severe as feeling like a fraud or occasionally doubt yourself in the face of a particularly difficult challenge, the key is to notice what you say to yourself about your success. True success is not anxious or doubtful, but confident and at peace. If you find that a pessimistic thinking style is invading your thoughts, you have the power to renew those thoughts by choosing a new outlook.

BUILD SELF-AWARENESS

So what does this all mean for you? When you succeed, even in the small things, you want your thinking style to be the opposite of when you fail.

When you succeed, attribute it to:	When you fail, attribute it to:
Internal factors	External factors
See it as permanent rather than temporary	See it as temporary rather than permanent
See it as pervasive rather than specific	See it as specific rather than pervasive

In his book Learned Optimism, Dr. Martin Seligman notes, “Some people, the ones who give up easily, habitually say of their misfortunes: ‘It’s me, it’s going to last forever, it’s going to undermine everything I do.’ Others, those who resist giving in to misfortune, say: ‘It was just circumstances, it’s going away quickly anyway, and besides, there’s much more in life.’ ”

What does this all mean for you? As you navigate the path to your life’s vision, pay attention to your thoughts. Refuse to allow pessimistic thinking to rule. Sure, pessimistic thoughts may invade your mind. But intentionally question those thoughts, and ensure that the thoughts you embrace are accurate and productive. In other words, any thoughts that produce self-sabotaging fear and paralyze you from moving forward need to be rejected. It is a choice. With practice, it is a choice you will make more quickly over time. You will develop an optimistic thinking style that empowers you to dream bigger, bolder dreams and walk into your vision with confidence. And you will be empowered to cut through the fears and excuses that threaten to hold you back. By intentionally noticing your thoughts and questioning the counterproductive ones, you will cultivate an optimistic thinking style that will propel you to the next level.

FOUR QUESTIONS
TO CONQUER EXCUSES

What’s the reason you have for not pursuing your most authentic dream? Whatever that dream is in your life or career, you probably have a reason it hasn’t happened yet. But if you look behind the reasons, you might just discover that they could be reclassified as excuses—thoughts you are embracing that sabotage your dreams. Excuses are born of a pessimistic thinking style and fixed mindset. Now, I’m not trying to beat you up about your excuses. I want to help you break free of them so you can go to the next level. Whatever you want to call them—excuses or reasons—they’re in the way. And you are the only one who can demand they go.

So what’s your excuse? Is it a lack of time? Money? Is it that person who is always tearing you down? Is the dream just too hard? Too complex? Too much of a commitment? Maybe your excuse is a lack of education or experience. Or perhaps if you just had more contacts or more friends or fewer obligations or weighed less or…

You get my point. Excuses allow us to justify our lack of progress. They can even bring you sympathy. They let you off the hook. But the truth is, when there is something you were meant to do, you’ll never truly be off the hook. You must do it, which means you must let go of your excuses. That means facing your fear—whether it is fear of success and all the expectations that come with it or fear of failure and all the disappointment or embarrassment that come with it.

Whatever your fear, the good news is that you can muster the courage to conquer it. Choose to let go of all excuses for why you cannot have what you want in life. Coach yourself with these four excuse-shattering questions:

1. What’s my excuse?

2. What does this excuse give me permission to do
(or not do)?

3. If I could no longer use this excuse, what would
I have to do instead?

4. Why don’t I just do that now?

When you drop your excuses, you discover that the bottom line is you can choose to pursue your dreams—or not. You can live life fully or you can live it small. Living fully takes courage. Courage is a choice. The choice is yours.

WHAT ARE YOU HOPING FOR?

What is it that you are hoping for? What’s that thing that caused you to pick up this book in the first place? There is something you haven’t yet experienced, but want to. There is something that represents that gap between where you are right now and where you want to be. And the first step to you closing that gap is believing two simple words: It’s possible. Just say that out loud right now: “It’s possible.” Your dream is possible. With the right thoughts, the right actions, and the right relationships, whatever divine dreams rest in your heart are possible.

So as you begin this journey, this first step is about hope. You must have it. Hope is the foundation of faith and the essence of optimism. When you stop hoping, you start settling. As I coach women in particular, and as I reflect on my own personal experience, I have noticed how often people downsize their dreams. Women so often attempt to juggle multiple roles and responsibilities. Many downsize their dreams for so long that settling for less becomes a habit. Can you relate? When you stop hoping, you start settling. You begin to settle for a smaller version of your real vision. What have you stopped hoping for out of fear that you won’t get it? In what ways has “settling” crept in and buried a hope for something better?

Give yourself permission to hope again. To dream a bigger dream. Successful women are confident enough to dream authentic dreams. It means you have to be honest enough with yourself to acknowledge the real desires of your heart. No time for surface goals. No time for putting everyone else’s agenda ahead of God’s plan for you. Be bold and courageous about what you are hoping for. I’m asking you to stretch and see beyond your current circumstances and resources. Reach toward the heavens and trust that although your divine destiny lies beyond your reach, God can close that gap by meeting you more than halfway. It’s that kind of believing that requires faith.

As life brings disappointment or failures, it can be tempting to stop hoping for some of the things you truly want. If you’re not hoping for anything, you don’t need faith. So what is it that you need to start hoping for? What is it that you’ve hesitated to admit is the real vision for your life? I believe you are reading these words because now is the time to start dreaming bigger. Now is the time for a new season of confidence and passion and purpose.

I dare you to dream a bigger dream, and refuse to give up hope.

I’m not talking about cherishing false expectations that set you up for heartache and disappointment. I’m talking about renewing the goals, desires, and visions that speak to you deep within your spirit. Hope energizes you. It inspires. It motivates. Sometimes you don’t get what you hope for right when you want it, but if you stop hoping altogether, you cease to take the actions that will bring your dreams to life. Perhaps author Joyce Meyer summed it up best: “I feel that if I believe for a lot and get even half of it, I am better off than I would be to believe for nothing and get all of nothing.”

Be true to your desires by giving yourself permission to hope for something more. And most importantly, believe you can do it. Believing that you have what it takes is the first habit of success.

YOUR BEST POSSIBLE FUTURE SELF

Research indicates that imagining your best possible future self is a powerful exercise. Much of the thrill of changing your mindset to move to a new level of success is becoming the kind of woman who can break through fears, navigate obstacles, and believe that with God all things are possible. All things are possible. You don’t have to know how. But you do have to believe. That’s hope. That’s optimism. Starting today, make it your goal to cultivate optimism as a success strategy.

Every Woman Should Know

 Optimists live longer, on average, than pessimists—by as much as nine years.

 Depression has been described as the “ultimate pessimism.” Women with an optimistic thinking style tend to fend off depression when bad events occur. The opposite is true for those with a pessimistic thinking style.

 In career fields such as teaching, sales, litigation, and public relations, optimism is a predictor of success.

PERSONAL COACHING TOOLKIT: POWER QUESTIONS TO ENHANCE YOUR THINKING STYLE

Answer each of these questions in a journal or with a coach or friend who can listen objectively and give you the space to explore your answers without attempting to give you the answers.

1. Spend some time in meditation. The perfect dream for you is the one God uniquely equipped you for. Paint a picture of what the next level of success looks like for you. What is your real dream (not the downsized one)?

2. What would it mean to you to be able to accomplish that dream? Picture yourself living that vision. What does it feel like?

3. What gifts, talents, passions, or experiences will you draw on to reach your goal?

4. Think back to a time when you were at your best and reached a particularly meaningful goal. How did you do it? What did you learn about yourself ?

5. Consider that meaningful goal you described in the last question. What enabled you to be at your best? Who were the people, circumstances, and other key factors surrounding your success?

6. How could you go about recreating similar circumstances to empower you to reach that “next level of success” you described in the first question?

7. Think back to a time when you failed to reach a goal. What personal factor(s) led you to fail? What external factor(s) led you to fail? What lesson(s) can you glean from these contributing factors to help you succeed when reaching future goals?

8. Realistically, when you look at the picture you painted in the first question, what are the most significant obstacles you might face? If you don’t know, take a look at role models who have already been where you aim to go and pinpoint the obstacles they faced.

9. How can you reduce the risk of those obstacles occurring as you move forward? How will you navigate around those obstacles if they occur?

10. Describe your best possible future self. Who is she and how does she approach life?

Think Differently

Be intentional about what you say to yourself when you fail as well as when you succeed. Choose hope. Dream big. Learn new skills. Believe all things are possible.

***Special thanks to Karri | Marketing Assistant | Harvest House Publishers for sending me a review copy.***

The Blood Sugar Solution {#Book Spotlight + #Giveaway}

The Book Faery — Wed, 22 Feb 2012 03:39:05 +0000

In THE BLOOD SUGAR SOLUTION, Dr. Mark Hyman reveals that the secret solution to losing weight and preventing not just diabetes but also heart disease, stroke, dementia, and cancer is balanced insulin levels. Dr. Hyman describes the seven keys to achieving wellness-nutrition, hormones, inflammation, digestion, detoxification, energy metabolism, and a calm mind-and explains his revolutionary six-week healthy-living program. With advice on diet, green living, supplements and medication, exercise, and personalizing the plan for optimal results, the book also teaches readers how to maintain lifelong health. Groundbreaking and timely, THE BLOOD SUGAR SOLUTION is the fastest way to lose weight, prevent disease, and feel better than ever.

Read an excerpt.

Hardcover: 448 pages
Publisher: Little, Brown and Company; 1 edition (February 28, 2012)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 031612737X
ISBN-13: 978-0316127370

BUY THE BOOK… Amazon | Barnes & Noble

ABOUT THE AUTHOR…Mark Hyman, MD, was co-medical director of Canyon Ranch for ten years, and is now the chairman of the Institute for Functional Medicine and founder and medical director of The UltraWellness Center. He is the New York Times bestselling author of Ultrametabolism, The Ultramind Solution, and The Ultrasimple Diet, and coauthor of Ultraprevention.

Learn more about Mark Hyman: DrHyman.com | Facebook | Twitter @MarkHymanMD

FROM THE BOOK FAERY REVIEWS…Thanks to Hachette Books, we’re giving away THREE copies of The Blood Sugar Solution. This giveaway is open to all with US/Canadian mailing addresses (No PO Boxes) and will end 11:59pm February 29th, 2012. That’s NEXT week!!!

To enter…leave a comment about one you learned
or felt inspired by from the video above or from DrHyman.com.

Six Ways to Keep The “Good” in Your Boy {#Book Spotlight}

The Book Faery — Tue, 21 Feb 2012 16:50:59 +0000

Bestselling author Dannah Gresh empowers moms of with six proactive ways to raise sons age 8-12 to be honest, confident, and respectful. This encouraging, practical resource shows how the formative years can shape a godly, healthy teen and adult. Includes engaging activity ideas, and Scriptures to pray over sons.

List Price: $13.99
Paperback: 208 pages
Publisher: Harvest House Publishers (February 1, 2012)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0736945792
ISBN-13: 978-0736945790

ABOUT THE AUTHOR…Dannah Gresh is a bestselling author, a speaker, and the creator of the Secret Keeper Girl live events. Her books include Six Ways to Keep the “Little” in Your Girl, 8 Great Dates for Moms and Daughters, And the Bride Wore White, and Lies Young Women Believe (coauthored with Nancy Leigh DeMoss). She and her husband have a son and two daughters and live in Pennsylvania.

Visit the author’s website.

Is There a Mouse in
That Cookie Box?

A box of cookies and a dead mouse.

The combination conjures up one of the proudest memories of mothering my wonderful son, Robby. (If you meet him, you can call him Rob. But I can’t. He’s still my Robby even if he’s the size of a linebacker.) He was a freshman at Grace Prep high school and was just returning from a school-assigned Random Act of Kindness when these two mismatched objects—mouse and cookies—mingled together to create an equally odd mixture of emotions.

Just hours earlier, armed with nothing more than a few boxes of cookies and several rakes, he and a few friends had set out to do some good. They’d come back a little flustered, but laughing their experience off like four cool 15-year-old boys should.

”We just got yelled at,” said Robby, wearing the words like a badge of courage.

“By whom?” I asked.

“Some crazy woman who thought there must be a mouse in the cookies we were trying to give her,” he answered defensively.

“What!” I was just a little aggravated, having been the one who had issued the assignment. How could anyone react with anger and suspicion (particularly in our small, friendly town) to a box of cookies and an offer to do yard work? Surely they must have misunderstood. “Tell me what happened. Play-by-play,” I said.

“Well, we knocked on the lady’s door to give her the cookies and ask permission to rake her leaves,” Robby answered. “When we tried to hand her the cookies she looked afraid and angrily said, ‘Is there a dead mouse in that box?’ ”

The other boys snickered. I could see that they thought it was funny, but that it also bothered them.

I was having a hard time believing it.

“We promised there wasn’t a mouse in there, but she just couldn’t believe we were there to do anything good. So one of the guys said, ‘Look, we just want to show you God’s love in a practical way.’ ”

This made me smile. It was what they’d been taught. “Transfer the credit of this good act to God,” I’d said in class.

“What’d she say when you said that?” I asked.

“She grabbed the cookies, said, ‘Rake if you want to,’ and slammed the door in our faces!” said Robby. “So, we raked.”

I could tell that the guys were still a bit shaken, and I was a bit angry that they hadn’t been met with the reward of a simple “thank you.”

A few weeks later, God brought the whole thing full circle with a letter that came in the mail. One of the members of Robby’s group got to read it out loud in chapel. I wish I still had it. It went something like this:

Dear Grace Prep:

Recently some boys from your school came here to deliver cookies to my daughter and me. They also raked our leaves. I’m embarrassed to say that I didn’t trust them. I am sorry. (For the record, they were really yummy cookies.)

I think God sent those boys here.

You see, my husband—my daughter’s father—died recently and it has been tough. Just that morning my daughter and I kind of put a test out there for God. We prayed, saying, “If you’re really there and you really see us, show up!”

When he did, we didn’t recognize him right away. But I have no doubt that God sent those high-school boys to remind us that he sees us.

Thank you.

You could have heard a pin drop in that room of high-school kids when the letter was read. We were all simply struck with the power of goodness.

But here’s why this wonderful memory not only floods my heart with pride, but also makes me sad: We’ve lost our faith in the goodness of boys and men. And not wholly without reason.

Where Have All the Good Men Gone?

A title of a recent Wall Street Journal article inquired, “Where Have the Good Men Gone?” A current Amazon bestseller seeks to answer the question, Is There Anything Good About Men? Since the 2004 coining of the word “adultescent,”¹ we’ve had something to call the young adult male who is so busy playing Call of Duty on his PlayStation 4 that he has no real-life call of duty. No honor. No integrity. No goodness. Just a seventh-grade mind-set and responsibility level trapped in the flabby body of an adult who often still lives at home or in a tacky bachelor pad with other adultescents. The phenomenon is what caused Kay S. Hymowitz to pen the book Manning Up, in which she writes,

Not so long ago, average mid-twentysomethings, both male and female, had achieved most of the milestones of adulthood: high school diploma, financial independence, marriage, and children. These days [the males] hang out in a novel sort of limbo, a hybrid state of semi-hormonal adolescence and responsible self-reliance.²

High-school English teacher Joe Carmichiel has written a book entitled Permanent Adolescence: Why Boys Don’t Grow Up, because “a large number of today’s teenagers, especially boys, see no reason to accept or pursue adulthood since it is of so little value to the larger culture.”³ So, with no motivation todo anything, many of these young men remain in a state of wimpy complacency well into their twenties, even thirties.

Along with this state of immaturity that many boys will embrace as they grow older is a culturally acceptable pressure for boys to be bad—both complacent and void of character. By the time a boy is finished with high school, he is likely to have three crucial areas of character ripped right out of him:

Over 50 percent of young men will have become sexually active in a casual-sex culture where they’re likely to have an average of 9.7 sexual partners before they graduate from college.⁴ (There goes his purity.)
Most of them will be exposed to porn as a tween or early teen, with the median age of first exposure being about 11. This catapults many of them into a world of double-mindedness where they are one boy at home and in public—and another entirely in their private world. (There goes his integrity.)
Many will have succumbed to an emasculated version of manhood that strips them of their drive to be leaders and protectors who do good. (There goes his honor.)

Our boys need to be taught to grow up.

And to be good.

While Six Ways to Keep the “Little” in Your Girl cried
out for us to band together against the culture’s pressure for our little girls to grow up too fast, this book pleads with you to join us in raising sons who are prepared to embrace the responsibility of growing up.

It’s been our goal to create a character base for our son to be a man of integrity, honor, and purity. Bob and I want him to be good. Fortunately, our life work led me into the depths of research, and I learned that we had to start building a foundation for our son to rise to the call of manhood…when he was still just our “good boy”! Raising a son to reflect your value system when he is a man is—in part—a matter of introducing those values to him in an age-appropriate manner when he is a tween. Social science offers us statistical lines of footprints showing how a boy will turn out based on what he is exposed to and when. Sadly, our boys have got a tough battle ahead. It’s been a long time since they’ve seen anything but “adultescent” or “bad” examples of manhood dominating our culture.

Why Are Boys “Bad”?

Robert Coles, a pioneer in the field of moral intelligence, brings clarity to the definition badness when he writes,

Bad boys display a “heightened destructive self-absorption, in all its melancholy stages.” In essence, we go bad when “we lose sight of our obligation to others.”⁵

Badness is not simply the loss of innocence, purity, integrity, and honor, but also the loss of vision to see the needs of others and to act on them. It’s a complacent, self-absorbed lifestyle that is void of character.

I think we have a bad-boy mentality in our culture for two primary reasons.

The first reason boys become bad is that the feminist movement has told us they are bad. Michael Gurian, author of The Wonder of Boys, though seeming to embrace the feminist movement as a whole, points out a few devastating myths it introduced to convince our boys that they are “bad.” Here are two that resonate with me:

Myth Number One: “that masculinity is responsible for the world’s ills and femininity is the world’s salvation.”⁶

Myth Number Two: “males destroy, females create; males stand in the way of positive spiritual/social values; males are inherently violent.”⁷

While a deeper study of the feminist movement would betray an agenda to introduce these fallacies, we don’t have to get that academic to see how much we are influenced to believe these myths in our politically correct culture.

Just consider how prevalently they are portrayed in the media. Television alone reinforces them. Two and a Half Men, “the biggest hit comedy of the past decade” according to the New York Times, features a hedonist formerly played by Charlie Sheen. After eight seasons, the show was stalled when Sheen went into rehab for drug use. He was then fired for making disparaging remarks about the show’s producers. On and off screen he was self-absorbed and void of character. Other shows display the contrast of the valuable female to the valueless male. Reruns of The Simpsons portray Lisa as bright and beautiful and Bart as out of shape and selfish. Co-ed television commercials often portray the guy as a doofus and the girl as smart. It’s funny. It really is. But how much of it can we expose ourselves to before we believe it? And that takes me to my next concern.

The second reason boys are “bad” is that they have become what has been expected of them, just like any individual tends to fulfill what has been prophesied about them. Of course, they’ve had help from their parents (or lack thereof), their culture (and its emasculation), their economy (and its consumeristic “me” mentality), and their churches (who haven’t done much to stand against the feminist untruths). But today’s men as a whole have pretty much rolled over and taken it.

It’s probably a good idea for me, Bob, to step in here. I’m a guy. If anyone’s going to throw us under the bus, it should be me. It has always befuddled me that the prettiest, nicest girls are always attracted to the bad boys. From the jock who bullies everyone at school to the kid in a leather jacket who doles out drugs after school, nice girls often go after the bad boys. In the Twilight series, bad boy Edward Cullen makes good girl Bella Swan swoon. In real life, the stars live out the scenario. Kevin Federline was the top bad boy of the tabloids when he nabbed the most famous girl on the planet at the height of her career, Britney Spears. Katy Perry, former Christian music artist gone sexual tease, pledged herself to bad boy Russell Brand.

I think that the constant drip of these scenarios into our spirits makes us want to be bad boys. Let’s be real: A guy desires a beautiful girl, and while the ones in the headlines might not be all that chaste, they’re often portrayed as the good girl taken by the bad boy. And guess what? Guys want nice girls. So, we begin to believe that maybe we’re supposed to be bad.

And if we’re not, we’re boring.

Come on. The media glorifies the bad boys—from Grease’s Danny Zuko to Pirates of the Caribbean’s Captain Jack Sparrow—not the plain-vanilla good guys. I didn’t watch this show, but Dannah says Gilmore Girls played to this big time when Rory fell for beautiful boy Dean until bad boy Jess came to town. The bad boy is so often the one the girl wants and celebrates.

Conversely, there aren’t a lot of movies being made about Billy Graham, the kid who called 9-1-1 and delivered his mom’s baby, or the apostle Paul. These are true heroes…but they’re good. And good is boring, according to movie producers. Since no one rises up to celebrate the good, most guys—though innately built to be conquerors—roll over and become boring.

In some twisted place in our minds, we’d much rather be bad than boring because that’s how you get the girl. But many of us are afraid of being the real bad boy. So we just get complacent. We roll over and stay in some limbo—a state of in-between. Not really bad. Not really good. Or so we think.

In reality, this complacency is the absolute root of badness.

The Tree

Complacency was at the root of the first bad move among men. (Yes—the bad move of all time.) Adam had the most complacent moment of all when he stood at the foot of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. It was Eve who wore the pants in the first family during this catastrophic moment. She took the lead and reached for the fruit of the Tree. Adam just got all quiet, passive and…well, boring. The Scriptures don’t note that he was deceived, tempted, or lied to like Eve. Just that he went along with it.

Some theologians believe that there was something in the way that Eve was crafted which made her more vulnerable to deception. (Just consider how often we women are prone to think things like “I’m fat!” Haven’t seen too many guys obsessing over that thought. Or maybe you’ve been prone to believe the lie “No one really likes me.” Men don’t struggle with that as often or as easily. Women are just prone to believing lies.) However, many believe that Satan approached Eve because he was attempting to throw over the created order by getting her to take leadership over her husband. And Adam seemed to passively accept this evil situation to gratify his flesh. Sounds a bit too much like many men of today.

Complacency led to the first sin. (Perhaps, had Adam chosen to speak truth to Eve, he could have led her away from that horrible original sin.) His failure to lead changed the course of history. We believe that the same kind of complacency that showed itself at the foot of the Tree still leads men to badness.

Goodness vs. Badness

While a bad boy’s greatest desire is to live according to his desires, a good boy, according to Robert Coles, has an outward focus:

Good…boys…have learned to take seriously the very notion, the desirability of goodness—living up to the Golden Rule.⁸

The Greek word for goodness (used in our take-to-heart verse, Romans 12:21) appears in the New Testament in three forms, all of which are rooted in the Hebrew word tod, which means “usefulness” or “beneficialness.” Are we bringing up boys who understand their call of duty to be useful contributors to society, to be beneficial to others?

Goodness is the quality that makes us put others ahead of ourselves. It’s the moral compass that keeps the world safe, happy, and working. It’s the drive that makes us want to function in families rather than isolation. It’s the internal road sign that takes us away from our own desires and toward the destiny of meeting the needs of others. Without it, we are “bad.” That’s probably why all of us—male and female—are called to goodness.

Do not be overcome by evil,
but overcome evil with good.

Romans 12:21

God is good

The ultimate reason we must raise our boys to be good is that it reflects the character of God. His goodness is a bedrock truth of Scripture and is inseparable from his nature. If we are to be a picture of him, we must possess goodness. He is good not only in a general sense, but he is good to us and forus. This element of his character expresses his selflessness and desire to exist on behalf of others. When people are good, they act toward and for others, as opposed to losing sight of others as their own needs and desires consume them.

***Special thanks to Karri James, Marketing Assistant, Harvest House Publishers for sending me a review copy.***

Overcoming Life’s Obstacles with Persistence and Ingenuity {Guest #Author: Selwyn Mills}

The Book Faery — Wed, 15 Feb 2012 05:12:47 +0000

I did not read my first book until I was seventeen. Before that I could not read consecutive words and make sense of them. Letters would bounce around the page and the white background would reverse with the black print.

I suffered through most of my elementary and high school life from afflictions that educators had no name for. When I was in the lower grades in the 1930s reading was taught by having each student stand in front of the class while reading orally from a textbook he had never seen before. While most children seemed to be OK with that, it was a source of great anxiety for me. The teacher would ask me to sit down and the children would laugh.

I also had great difficulty learning to write clearly. What looked like scribbling was actually my attempt to correlate the sounds of words with written symbols. My teachers thought I was retarded as did I, but my IQ scores were above normal. This was baffling to them and disheartening to me. I was repeatedly tested by learning specialists, interviewed by expert counselors and told to work harder. I became increasingly withdrawn and lost confidence in myself.

I don’t remember having anyone who sympathized with my embarrassment in those torturous days, and I remember finding ways of avoiding those situations until something surprising happened in my senior high school English class.

We had a play reading assignment and I was asked to take one of the parts. I went up to the teacher after the class and tried to resign from the reading.

Mrs. Quinlan, a matronly woman with white braided hair and a sweet face, asked me why. I hesitated shortly and then replied, “ I think I’ll ruin the play…I’m a bad reader.” She responded, “I don’t want you to do this if you are set against it, but you are not going to be graded on it and it could be fun if you don’t grade yourself.” I didn’t think it was going to be fun, grade or no grade, but she had such a nice way about it I reluctantly agreed.

My premonition was right. I fumbled, I stammered, I lost my place on the script. I couldn’t wait for it to be over. Mrs. Quinlan asked me if I would meet her in the lunchroom after all my classes that afternoon. She told me that she knew what I had been going through in class that day and how scary it must have been….Also that she had had experience with that kind of problem before with one of her own children and with many other children in her classes.

“None of the children are stupid or lazy” she said, “ In fact they tested, as you did, very high on the requisite IQ tests. I have done my own research on the subject but there is very little available …not even a name for it. From talking to other teachers about it I found that this condition affects hundreds if not thousands of other children who are smart, but are being put into a drop basket called “learning disabilities.” Nobody knows what it is or how to treat it. Mrs. Rivers, the Guidance Counselor, who is very interested in helping children with learning problems, and I, are starting a special after-school program to help children like yourself…and I think we can help you, Selwyn.”

Although I had my doubts, and thought it would just be more disappointment for me, it turned out to be a turning point in my life. I spent my last high school year, three afternoons a week, attending this program. I learned how to read, using ”clumps of sentences,” which made my reading improve ten-fold. I found while I was in the program over the year, that I had another related problem. I cannot write legibly by hand or even retrieve what I have written or what other people have written either. I was phobic about writing, even when I wanted desperately to express something, because of the arduous nature of my hand writing.

Mrs. Quinlan (bless her heart) came up with a solution that was to change my life. She encouraged me to take a typing course at the high school, which I actually enjoyed. My older sister was a secretary and had an Underwood typewriter at home, so I was able to practice and write stories. Eventually the typewriter turned into a Word Processor and the Word Processor turned into a Computer.

I have learned many years later that “learning disabilities” was made up of tens of different varieties of conditions, two of which were part of my own childhood afflictions. Dyslexia is the inability to read or spell because of letters and words reversing themselves and Dysgraphia, an inability to write legibly and to read back their own or other’s hand writing.

Today, there are thousands of people who have come forward to tell their stories through the internet, through published books and TV interviews. They speak of their struggles all through public schooling and their work and career lives, believing they were dumb or stupid. Many have, in spite of or maybe because of their disability, achieved great success. Many people with Dyslexia have extraordinary gifts of intuition, are more attuned to the emotions, body language, and tone of voice of others. Their own suffering has also made them more empathetic toward others. My own psychotherapy practice benefited from those gifts.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR...Selwyn Mills served an apprenticeship in decorative painting before starting his own business in 1956, which lasted until his retirement in 1992. He worked as a craftsman painter, wrote for the National Paint Journal, served as President of the National Painting Contractor Association in Nassau County, New York, and taught faux painting. While painting professionally, Mills earned his doctorate in psychology and operated a successful private psychotherapy practice.

Dr. Mills practiced psychotherapy in Great Neck N.Y. for twenty-five year, specializing in couples therapy, family reconciliation and Men in Transition groups. His psychotherapy practice overlapped his forty year career as a decorative painting contractor. He painted in the mornings and counseled patients in the afternoon and evenings. His research into the left/right brain phenomenon, and its impact of personality development, led to a unique discovery of why opposites attract. Active in live theater, he wrote and produced a musical comedy called, “Love Torment and Lollipops”. An accomplished photographer, his black and white prints are part of the permanent collection of the Bibliotech Nationale in Paris, France. He currently works at the Sugden Theater in Naples, Florida as director of faux painting. Mills married in 1949 at the age of 19 and has four children and four grandchildren.

His latest book is the autobiography, Confessions of a Color-Blind House Painter. You can visit his website at www.selwynmills.com.

Website | Official Tour Page

“Confessions of a Color-Blind House Painter,” a collection of autobiographical writings by Selwyn Mills, offers an account of the author’s life as well as his ruminations on painting, psychotherapy, friendship, romantic love, poetry, prison, philosophy, relationships and cats, among other topics. Mills split his professional life between two concurrent careers – he worked as a decorative painter in the mornings and led psychotherapy sessions in the afternoon. Although these types of work might appear quite different, Mills describes how each profession deals with depression and renewal. He offers an eclectic collection of musings on various topics, each one weaving personal narrative with opinion and insight. “Confessions of a Color-Blind House Painter” reveals a portrait of a life made up of equal portions of intellectual, creative and emotional elements. Written in a roving style quite different from a straightforward autobiographical account, the book is intended to entertain and engage readers with a broad range of interests.

Paperback: 182 pages

Publisher: CreateSpace (November 19, 2011)

Language: English

ISBN-10: 1466342013

ISBN-13: 978-1466342019

BUY THE BOOK… Amazon | Amazon Kindle | Barnes & Noble

Everything Romance: A Celebration of Love For Couples {#Book Review}

The Book Faery — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 14:39:45 +0000

Ready to create romantic memories? If you’re looking for new and unique ways to celebrate love, captivate the heart of your true love, or simply enjoy each other’s company, Everything Romanceoffers all of this and much more.

Inside you’ll find…

Ways to engage your loved one with conversation starters for couples; Fun and creative date and gift ideas for any budget; Heartwarming love stories and poems; Love busters and love boosters to add fun, zing, and zest; Trivia about the history of love and romance; Recipes to fan the heartflames.

Why wait for a special occasion to share the joy of being in love? Opening Everything Romance is like opening a door to romantic adventure—any day, any time!

Any moment is the perfect time for you as a couple to celebrate the beauty and wonder of love, especially when you’re equipped with a treasure trove of creative ways to do so. With a rich array of romantic gems, Everything Romance abounds with all you need to show your adoration, revel in your relationship, and create a legacy of romance to last a lifetime. – FROM THE WEBSITE

Format: Hardcover
Other Formats: eBook
ISBN: 9780307729316

A Marriage Blessing

Most gracious God, we give You thanks for Your tender love in sending Jesus Christ to come among us, to be born of a human mother, and to make the way of the cross to be the way of life.

We thank You, also, for consecrating the union of man and woman in His name. By the power of Your Holy Spirit, pour out the abundance of Your blessing upon this man and this woman. Defend them from every enemy. Lead them into all peace. Let their love for each other be a seal upon their hearts, a mantle about their shoulders, and a crown upon their foreheads. Bless them in their work and in their companionship; in their sleeping and in their waking; in their joys and in their sorrows; in their life and in their death. Finally, in Your mercy, bring them to that table where Your saints feast forever in Your heavenly home; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who with You and the Holy Spirit, lives and reigns, one God, forever and ever.

Amen.
(from The Book of Common Prayer)

PERFECT PAIR PIZZA-PITA SNACKS

2 whole-wheat pita breads
4 teaspoons basil pesto
1 cup cottage cheese
2 tablespoons Roma tomatoes, chopped
2 teaspoons fresh basil, chopped
Fresh Parmesan cheese (optional)

Toast pita breads until they are crispy and firm. Spread half of the pesto on each pita. Next, spread half of the cottage
cheese on each pita. Top with chopped tomato and fresh basil. If desired, sprinkle with fresh grated parmesan cheese. Slice each pita into two or four wedges and enjoy!

Romance Trivia
A team of medical experts in Virginia contends that you’re more likely to catch the common cold virus by shaking hands than by kissing.

{Click here to download the first chapter of Everything Romance now.}

ABOUT THE AUTHORS…David Bordon and Tom Winters are partners in Bordon-Winters, LLC, a book concept and packaging company that produces successful books and gift products. Among their previous titles are the popular “101 Things You Should Do” series. This volume joins another one of their beautiful gift books, Everything Christmas.

FROM THE BOOK FAERY REVIEWS…A truly enjoyable book to go through with or even without your significant other. You’ll read interesting feeds, poems, scripture of love from the BIBLE, get recipes to try out for various occasions of celebration, and tips of course of ways to bring back more romance into your relationship. I recommend this all couples looking to reconnect or even to bring in more ideas to love each other. Keeper for my shelves!

I received a copy as part of the F.I.R.S.T Wildcard Book Tours in exchange for an honest review.

Mailbox Monday…01.30.12

The Book Faery — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 04:47:22 +0000

Mailbox Monday is where other bloggers write about the books they received the previous week. The Mailbox Monday is now going on a blog tour with the host for the month of January being at At Home With Books. Visit the blog to see what books made it’s way and check out the others who are participating like me in the Monday Mailbox Meme.

Keiko the Koala by Jill Ann Storti – Everyone shares one thing in common. We are all different from each other and it is our diversity, which makes each person unique. “Keiko the Koala” is so much more than a book. It’s a powerful tool for parents to teach their children how to build strong relationships and self esteem. Young children will cherish Keiko in their formative years because he is comforting and entertaining. This exciting story is immediately rewarding to children, as they hear about the adventure of a koala bear, who finds himself lost in the forest. As he meets other animals, he quickly learns that he is different from other bears. You feel the anticipation as Keiko searches for a way out of the forest. While on his journey, he meets a young boy named Cody and they become friends. Cody is sad because he is different from other kids. Keiko teaches him that being different is what makes us special.

Six Ways To Keep The “Good” In Your Boy by Dannah Gresh - When bestselling author Dannah Gresh was body-slammed by her 12-year-old son, she was hit with reality: raising a boy is a whole new ballgame!

A boy’s relationship with his mom during the formative age between 8 and 12 is vital to his future well-being. So how can moms teach sons to be honest, confident, and respectful when the world and situations encourage them to make bad decisions and grow up too fast?

Dannah’s practical experience and research, along with advice from her husband, Bob Gresh, provide a mom with six proactive ways to help her son:

honor his body in a healthy way
get outside to play unplugged
live out his faith

All summaries come from Barnes & Noble book overviews.

Food Allergy and Gluten-Free Weight Loss {#Book Review}

The Book Faery — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 14:03:13 +0000

Food Allergy and Gluten-Free Weight Loss gives definitive answers to the question, “Why is it so hard to lose weight?” It is because we have missed or ignored the most important pieces in the puzzle of how our bodies determine whether to store or burn fat. Those puzzle pieces are hormones such as insulin, cortisol, leptin, and others. Individuals with food allergies or gluten intolerance face additional weight-loss challenges such as inflammation due to allergies or a diet too high in rice. This book explains how to put your body chemistry and hormones to work for you rather than against you, reduce inflammation which inhibits the action of your master weight control hormone, leptin, and flip your fat switch from “store” to “burn.” It includes a flexible healthy eating plan that eliminates hunger, promotes the burning of fat, and reduces inflammation and tells how to customize the plan so it fits you, your allergies or intolerances, and your need for pleasure in what you eat. Information about cooking for special diets, 175 recipes, a list of sources for special foods, and extensive appendix and reference sections are also included.

Paperback: 304 pages
Publisher: Allergy Adapt, Inc. (March 1, 2011)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 1887624198
ISBN-13: 978-1887624190

BUY THE BOOK… Amazon | Food Allergy and Gluten-Free Weightloss Site

ABOUT THE AUTHOR…Nickie Dumke enjoys helping people with food allergies and gluten intolerance find solutions to their health and weight problems. She began writing books to help others with multiple food allergies over 20 years ago and the process culminated in The Ultimate Food Allergy Cookbook and Survival Guide. She says, “This book contains everything I know to help with food allergies,” and it has helped many people come back from near-starvation. Her other books address issues such as how to deal with time and money pressures on special diets, keeping allergic children happy on their diets, and more. A few years ago, while listening to the struggles of an allergic friend on the Weight Watchers™ diet, she remembered her own weight struggles* many years ago and thought, “There has to be a better way.” This was the beginning of a new quest, and she is now helping those who are overweight due to inflammation (often due to unsuspected food allergies) or high-in-rice gluten-free diets, as well as those who are not food sensitive but want to lose weight permanently, healthily, and without feeling hungry and deprived. Her unique approach to weight and health presented in Food Allergy and Gluten-Free Weight Loss is based on body physiology and reveals why conventional weight-loss diets work against rather than with our bodies and therefore rarely result in permanent weight loss. *

(Nickie’s weight loss story, briefly, is that in her early 20s she could not lose on a calorie-counting diet in spite of repeatedly further reducing the number of calories she ate and swimming vigorously and often. Then she found a diet based on blood sugar control, lost weight without being hungry, and still weighs what she did in her mid-20s). Nickie has had multiple food allergies for 30 years and has been cooking for special diets for family members and friends for even longer. Regardless of how complex your dietary needs are or how much or little cooking you have done, she has the books and recipes you need. Her books present the science behind multiple food allergies and weight control in an easily-understood manner. She has BS degrees in medical technology and microbiology. She and her husband live in Louisville, Colorado and have two grown sons.

You can visit Nickie’s websites at http://www.foodallergyandglutenfreeweightloss.com and http://www.food-allergy.org.

FROM THE BOOK FAERY REVIEWS…I will admit, this book took me some time to get into, HOWEVER, I’m glad I finally took the time to read it. As a food allergy suffferer and one who’s become more and more sensitive to foods over the years, I needed this book to better understand my pain as well as make me feel not alone. Whenever I’d mention a food allergy to someone and they ask what happens to me, I’d say, “Well, I will instantly swell like I’m 5 months pregnant, gain weight on the scale, and be in pain for hours, sometimes days before I get back to normal again.” They’d just stare at me and say, “well don’t eat so much”. My response? “But I’m NOT overeating.” Again, the stare from them. You know the one that says “OK…whatever you say…” Interestingly enough I went to my doctor Monday to discuss my stomach issues and FINALLY someone else along with Nicolette understands and I’m now working on re-balancing my own body chemistry.

So now back to the book itself…Nicolette Dumke does an excellent job in explaining the science behind it all and provides additional references for more. She touches up on your bodies hormones (cortisol, adrenaline, insulin, leptin, etc) and how they affect your hunger and weight. There’s a chapter on carbohydrates and the glycemic index. She also discusses fats and how the right fats are essential to our diets. Overall she stresses to LISTEN to how our body feels and “do it your body’s way”. In addition to helping us understand why our body reacts a certain way to different types of food, she provides 9 principles to a healthy eating plan, food recipes, cooking tips, more information on the glycemic index, a list of super foods to moderate inflammation, and lists multiple resources for further understanding and where to get special types of foods. Even though the book does not appear “exciting” in terms of presentation (there are no pictures at all throughout the entire book), I do believe, this will be my new food “Bible” as I learn my own body’s chemistry. To those who have food allergies or sensitivities, I’d say grab a copy.

BTW…if you missed Nicolette’s post here last month, be sure to read her guest post: 10 Things You Didn’t Know About Weight Loss.

MY BOOK RATING

I received a copy in exchange for an honest review.

Mailbox Monday…01.16.12

The Book Faery — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 04:36:49 +0000

Below are some books old and new I either received in the mail or found during the week in various spots.

Cloudburst by V.C. Andrews (Fiction) - OUT OF A CLEAR BLUE SKY . . .Since being taken in by wealthy Mrs. Jordan March and living in her exquisite home like a daughter, Sasha Porter’s traumatic past—destitute on the streets, and the shattering accident that killed her mother—seems like a fading nightmare. Beautiful and sophisticated, as bold and daring as her “sister,” Kiera March, Sasha still keeps her mother’s wise words close to her heart: never fully trust anyone. Inside her privileged new world, it’s advice that will prove more precious than gold.. . .

CAN ANYTHING STOP THE DOWNPOUR?Against the wishes of Jordan’s husband, Donald, Sasha attracts the attention of Duane Banks, a shy, handsome athlete, and maneuvers her way into his heart. But Duane’s hidden torment soon explodes in a horrific tragedy that pulls Sasha into a flood of guilt and despair. And when someone she thought she could trust targets her vulnerability, Sasha recalls her mother’s warnings—and a violent storm of dark deceptions and shocking family secrets is unleashed. Will she sink or swim?

A Celebration of Love for Couples: Everything Romance by Todd Hafer (Relationships / Love & Marriage / Non-Fiction) - Romance is always in season when you’re in love.

Ready to create romantic memories? If you’re looking for new and unique ways to celebrate love, captivate the heart of your true love, or simply enjoy each other’s company, Everything Romanceoffers all of this and much more.

Inside you’ll find…

Why wait for a special occasion to share the joy of being in love? Opening Everything Romance is like opening a door to romantic adventure—any day, any time!

Lighting the Way: Nine Women Who Changed Modern America by Karenna Gore Schiff (Biography / Non-Fiction) - In this highly readable, illuminating narrative that spans the twentieth century, Karenna Gore Schiff tells the remarkable stories of nine influential women who each in her own way tackled inequity and advocated a change. These women recognized our country wasn’t living up to its promise and fought to alter it.

The women she’s selected are as varied as they are inspirational. Ida B. wells-Barnett, who was born a slave and fought against lynching; Mother Jones, an Irish immigrant who organized coal miners and campaigned against child labor; Alice Hamilton, who pushed for regulation of industrial toxins; Frances Perkins, who established our social secruity program; Virginia Durr, a high society Southern belle who fought the poll tax and segregation; Septima Clark, who helped to register black voters; Dolores Huerta, who organized farm workers; Dr. Helen Rodriguez-Trias, an activist for reproductive rights; and Gretchen Buchenholz, currently one of the nation’s leading child advocates.

To My Sons {#Book Trailer}

The Book Faery — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 17:36:33 +0000

Now this book trailer just makes me wish I was one of Bear Grylls’ boys. What about you?!

This humorously illustrated book is a collection of wisdom that renowned adventurer Bear Grylls wants to share with his sons about the risks, tumbles, and victories of a well-lived life.

Mountain climber, world-record holder, and internationally known television personality Grylls knows a thing or two about adventure. The greatest adventure he’s experienced, though, is raising his three boys. In To My Sons, Grylls shares the quotes, Scripture verses, and spiritual wisdom he has learned through the literal ups and downs of an exciting life. Featuring cartoons from well-known sketch artist Charlie Mackesy, this book is a poignant primer for boys and men of all ages. – Order here.

Your Playlist Can Change Your Life: 10 Proven Ways Your Favorite Music Can Revolutionize Your Health, Memory, Organization, Alertness and More {#Book Review}

The Book Faery — Wed, 04 Jan 2012 13:00:19 +0000

From internationally renowned brain scientists, Your Playlist Can Change Your Life teaches how to use your favorite music to enhance your health, memory, organization, alertness, and more. Readers will learn how to use the power of music to attain increased levels of performance as well as enhance their ability to fight off the negatives of stress, insomnia, anxiety, depression, and even addiction. Based on author-conducted research that’s not available anywhere else on shelf, this is a book that speaks to the music lover in all of us. Your Playlist Can Change Your Life offers a natural way to a better you simply by listening.

Paperback: 256 pages
Publisher: Sourcebooks (January 1, 2012)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 1402260245
ISBN-13: 978-1402260247

ABOUT THE AUTHORS…Galina Mindlin, MD, PhD, assistant clinical professor of psychiatry at Columbia University, is the founder of BMT (Brain Music Therapy). Don DuRousseau, BS, MBA, is founder/CEO of Human Bionics Llc., and executive director of Peak Neurotraining Solutions, Inc. www.peaknt.com Joseph Cardillo, PhD, professor, is a top-selling author in holistic psychology and mind-body medicine. www.brainmusictreatment.com

FROM THE BOOK FAERY REVIEWS…Interesting read about how music can change the way the brain works in different situations. I found the book to contain things I already knew but also informative on the science front and helpful in determining what songs or sounds would help me have a more peaceful or motivating and focused mind. I do think I would have liked it better if the layout of the chapters and writing style were more “entertaining” even though I learned a couple things. Overall though I found it to be OK. If you’re looking for ways to make music fit better into your life, need a new way to get through situations using music memory techniques or learn how to get more into the music, you might find this to be an interesting read.

My Book Rating:

I received an e-copy of this book from Sourcebooks in exchange for an honest review.
No money was given for this posting.