The Book Faery Reviews Discovering paths to new dimensions through books…

27May/100

How To Make Blended Families Work, Dr. John Bell – Author Guest Post

It all takes knowing yourself and what you can live with and what you can not. It really comes down to what you love about someone that you will accept their successes as well as their failures to make life better for all. Blended families have great challenges especially with the acceptance of a new father or mother in the family this can also be brothers and sisters that will have some resistance joining into the blended family. 
  
It seems that the nuclear family of Mother and Father with two kids is diminishing every year. In 2008 according to the US census, 2.4 million children live without a father in the home and were raised primarily by the Mother. This may sound alarming but it is an ever growing trend in the US. 72% of African-American children are raised in single parent holds. 40% of Latino or Hispanic children are born to single parent household. 37% of all white children are raised in single parent house hold. Therefore, to claim that this is a minority problem is not being accurate of the facts.     

However, this also demonstrates the need for blended families and their contribution to our society as we try to rekindle the flame of family. Blended families are  the new family solution of America's growing demographic dismantling of the nuclear family today. 

It is imperative that society promote and respect blended families for what they aspire humanity to reach for with the best of what family is all about.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR...Dr. Bell is married and has one daughter and a step son and has experienced the subject of the baby daddy syndrome and the drama that can be experienced from relationships that include a blended family structure. Dr. Bell has chosen to write about some of the challenges from a man’s perspective involved in a blended family where the man does not have any children and the woman has a child from a previous relationship. You can visit his website at www.drjohnbell.com.

PhotobucketEVERY UNWED MOTHER'S NIGHTMARE COMES TO LIFE IN THE PAGES OF INVASION OF THE BABY DADDY, a compelling and moving debut novel that echoes the emotional and cerebral frustrations of unwed mothers throughout the ages. Its unforgettable characters and authentic story line are interwoven with current and real facts about the volume of unwed mothers in our society today. In the story, Dr. Sands believes he has found his perfect mate only to discover that she is pregnant from a previous relationship. Not fully aware of the ramifications of this colossal news, Dr. Sands and Rachel date via long distance during her pregnancy and ultimately decide to get married. In order to make a life together, Rachel must move to Tennessee to start a new life with her husband. But the Baby Daddy has other plans for them. Determined to make this marriage work, Dr. Sands goes to extraordinary lengths to try and negotiate with the Baby Daddy. Brimming with honesty from the author s own experiences, Invasion of the Baby Daddy comes alive with unique freshness, candor and rich detail. - AMAZON.COM

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15Apr/101

What’s It Like, Living Green?, Jill Ammon Vanderwood – Review

PhotobucketTITLE: What's It Like, Living Green? Kids Teaching Kids, By the Way They Live
AUTHOR: Jill Ammon Vanderwood
PUBLISHER: BookSurge Publishing
PUBLICATION DATE: March 10, 2009
PAGES: 148 pages
GENRE: Non-Fiction, Green Living, Resource
Reading Level: 9-12 years old

These days, there's a lot of talk about living green, but does anyone actually do it?

In What's It Like, Living Green? Kids Teaching Kids, by the Way The Live, you'll learn how other kids live green, along with tips as simple as putting on a sweater rather than turning up the heat. You'll see how kids like you can make a difference. Read about a teenage girl who learned to drive with a car fueled by used cooking grease. Learn about a boy who raised funds to build his first well to provide clean water for a whole village when he was only seven years old. You will learn simple ways to help the environment, help others, and even earn some money.  - FROM THE BOOK BACK

ABOUT THE AUTHOR...Jill Ammon Vanderwood is the 2008 Writer of the Year for the League of Utah Writers. She is the author of four children’s books: Through the Rug; Through the Rug 2: Follow that Dog; Stowaway: The San Francisco Adventures of Sara the Pineapple Cat, and she hopes to build environmental awareness with her first nonfiction, kid's book—What’s it Like Living Green: Kids Teaching Kids by the Way They Live. This book is the winner of the National Indie Excellence Award; The Teen Development Award and the Best Books 2009 Award.

Jill grew up in Oregon, the third of eleven children. Jill and her husband Bill are parents of four and grandparents of six. They make their home in Utah.

Jill loves going on adventures with her grandchildren, she loves to travel and tries to write something every day.

FROM THE BOOK FAERY REVIEWS...My 9 and 10 year old enjoyed this book with me. We learned about all the different ways other kids were helping the environment. It really puts things into perspective when you see what our younger generation is doing for the future. It almost put me to shame making me realize how many things I could be doing that I'm not. Good book not only to give to a young one but to read with them.

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9Mar/101

Give Me, Get Me, Buy Me, Donna Corwin – Review

PhotobucketTITLE: Give Me, Get Me, Buy Me
AUTHOR: Donna Corwin
PUBLISHER: HCI
PUBLICATION DATE: March 1, 2010
PAGES: 216
GENRE: Non-Fiction, Parent Resource

Say No. Set Limits. Stop Bratty Behavior in Its Tracks.

It's easy to fall into the 'entitlement trap.' You may find yourself so involved with your child's happiness that you lose sight of what your child really needs to make him or her a self-sufficient, well-balanced human being. Parenting expert and bestselling author Donna Corwin knows what that feels like—because she's been there herself. After years of struggling to give her daughter whatever she wanted, Corwin realized that instead of boosting her child's self-confidence and making her happy, her daughter was actually less equipped to handle adversity, exercise patience, or develop healthy life skills.

Corwin soon realized that this needed to change and set about reversing the negative behaviors, and she did so with great success! Now in Give Me, Get Me, Buy Me, she gives you the means to do the same, with:

• Self-evaluation tools to organize parenting priorities, set limits, and reward good behavior in a healthy way
• Insightful case studies of parenting styles that create 'entitled' behavior, as well as ways to break the cycle
• Compassionate guidance that allows you to evaluate your relationships with your parents and understand how they influence your parenting style
• Ways to filter the negative messages that bombard your children from TV, the web, and peer pressure
• Methods for creating a balanced family dialogue and for promoting core values regarding finances, chores, and manners

It's never too late to begin creating the positive habits and behaviors that will give you back parental control. With Corwin's help, you'll soon be able to set consistent limits, build honest communication, and share the kind of love that will build your child's character and create a peaceful and stable home life.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR...Donna Corwin is a national parenting spokesperson for Plus Media's Satellite Media and Live Television tours. She has appeared on over fifty national news and morning shows, including Fox News, NBC, ABC, CBS, CNN, Newswatch, and the Daily Buzz. Corwin has also appeared as a parenting guest expert on numerous television and radio shows, including Oprah Winfrey's Oxygen Network, The Rolanda Watts Show, The Other Half, Home and Family, and several times as a parenting expert on The Leeza Show, Good Morning Denver, Good Morning Utah, ABC radio and Parents Journal on NPR. Corwin's articles on parenting have appeared in several national magazines. She has been a lecturer on parenting issues for the Motion Picture Wellness Program and the Educational Records Bureau (ErB) convention. Corwin has written eight parenting books including the bestselling Time-Out for Toddlers, now in its twentieth printing.

FROM THE BOOK FAERY REVIEWS...A book I wished I had earlier while raising my 3 kids but one that's never too late to incorporate into my parenting styles. I already act in the manner in which she suggests we act towards them but there were some that made sense that I wish to do. Good book for the reference shelves at home. 4 Stars!

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11Feb/101

Dear Lilly, Peter Greyson – Review

PhotobucketTITLE: Dear Lilly
AUTHOR: Peter Greyson
PUBLISHER: iUniverse
PUBLICATION DATE: April 21, 2009
PAPERBACK PAGES: 268
GENRE:  Non-Fiction, Parenting Resource, Memoir

A father offers his advice, opinions, and the many useful stories gleaned from his past experiences in order to help his beloved daughter not only survive, but thrive in the dangerous and unpredictable world of young adulthood.

From the pen of a former abused child, drug addict, womanizing frat boy, and suicidal depressive, comes forth the emotionally stirring account of a young man's battle with crippling inner demons and his eventual road to enlightenment. Peter Greyson calls upon his wisdom as both father and school teacher to gently lead teenage girls through a maze of truth, deception, and adolescent uncertainty. Greyson's literary style sparkles with a youthful enthusiasm that will capture your heart and provide boundless inspiration.

Dear Lilly is a survival guide that offers the brutally honest male perspective to young women struggling for answers to life's deepest questions. Topics include:

  • Boys lie
  • What every guy wants from his girlfriend
  • Everybody hurts
  • High school exposed

FROM THE BOOK FAERY REVIEWS...Reading this book made me miss my own dad who passed away in 1993 when I was 15. If only more dad's were this honest and open to share things about life perhaps our girls wouldn't fall into too much trouble or feel closer to their own dad's. I found this book to be an easy read, informational and even gave me ideas on how to talk to my children about different things in life such as friendships, drugs and alcohol, depression, safety, hope, body image - all things that touch a person's life.

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20Aug/0910

Your Family Constitution, Scott Gale: Author Interview 8.20.09

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Today Scott Gale, author of Your Family Constitution: A Modern Approach to Family Values and Household Structures is being interviewed at The Book Faery Reviews. You can also see his guest post at Wife and Mom of 3 where he talks about how you can tell if your family is out of control and what you can do to fix it.

Thanks Scott for taking the time out to talk with our readers. Now on to the interview..................................

It seems like, from looking at your Web site, that your book focuses on some big-picture values for families. Do you think it's easy for parents/families to fall into familiar habits and to lose sight of the big-picture values they want to stand for?

The book focuses on how parents can identify their own big picture values and then translate those values into effective boundaries and structure. Parents and families are so busy, and our culture moves so fast, that often they don’t take the time to step back and truly understand themselves and create a vision for their family.

If they are getting by without significant problems, then they apply the “if it’s not broke, don’t fix it” strategy. The fallacy of this strategy (or lack thereof) is that taking the time to focus on what is truly important saves time, reduces frustration and creates a proactive approach to your child’s development. We all have an idea of what kind of adults we’d like our kids to become...they key is tapping that information and using it shape their development.

What is the most common pitfall you see that leads to problems in families?

The most common pitfall that leads to problems in families is the tendency to focus on the “irritants” rather than the underlying problems. For instance, I argued incessantly with my oldest son about getting to bed, getting outside instead of playing video games, and taking responsibility to do chores. I grew increasingly frustrated as I tried different approaches to fix these problems. What I ultimately realized that these issues were symptoms of greater problems, lack of clarity and consistency. Once I figured that out and created our Family Constitution to help clarify expectations, boundaries, rewards and consequences, the bickering over the irritants faded because everyone in my family knew the consequences of their actions, good or bad. As the arguments disappeared, emotional boundaries came down and we were finally able to spiral in the right direction.

How did your own family's experiences lead you to writing this book?

My family’s experiences inspired me to create our Family Constitution out of sheer necessity. My wife and I had no clear vision and we struggled to stay on top of things. My kids were frustrated and confused because our rules were reactive and subject to change based on circumstance. We needed clarity and consistency in our lives, but I never knew how to achieve that.

Then one day I took the Constitution template from my fantasy football league and modified it to create clear structure in our everyday lives and family interactions. It worked well and many of my friends commented on how much they liked the concept, so I decided to share it through this book.

You mention overlooked signs that your family is going out of control — what are those, and is it difficult to judge? A lot of people feel, at any given moment, things might be a little out of control, I suppose.

Every family is going to fit the description of “out of control” at certain moments, but there are definite signs of more chronic challenges with control. The first is that there is no identified plan or vision. Once parents hit the point where they are simply reacting and trying to keep up without clear direction, it is very difficult to regain control without focused effort. The reason is that life inevitably speeds up, instead of slows down like we all think will happen. If we don’t take the time to think through our approach, the tendency to simply react to external forces takes over.

The second sign is that negative emotion begins to interfere with everyday interactions. If people continually argue, they fall into a defensive stance, paving the way for further argument. My son and I argued all the time because I was frustrated that he wouldn’t take responsibility, while he was frustrated because he felt like I was picking on him. The wild card was that I had never communicated my expectations clearly, so we went round and round in circles until our mutual desire to have a good relationship became hidden behind emotional barriers.

The third sign is that a family repeatedly has communication failures. Once again, all families will have some communication challenges, but it is a continual pattern that is most concerning. When people struggle to communicate, the natural reaction is to stop sharing feelings and ideas. This leads to poor coordination and lack of expectations. Perhaps the single most important change we made was incorporating a regular family meeting into our lives. This gives us a forum to talk about issues, coordinate our efforts, lay down expectations and monitor our success.

The final sign is a little bit more difficult to judge, as it requires true introspection. This sign is a significant gap between our actions and our priorities. I worked very long hours to try to provide for my family, but my emotional availability to my family was suffering. Until I spent the time to examine myself, I never realized there was such contradiction. Introspection is hard, but if a parent follows the path that I lay out in my book, they should be able to assess how well-aligned they are with their priorities.

The idea of "Your Family Constitution" seems to imply having rules ahead of incidents, as opposed to figuring out what to do afterward. Is that accurate? And how much is that a family-by-family basis, as far as what should be included?

Yes, anticipating issues and resolving them with structure before they become problems is the essence of Your Family Constitution. We make better decisions when the emotion of a crisis is absent. Looking forward allows a family to openly and honestly discuss concerns and objectives. Parents and kids can work together to use that information to guide behaviour and choices through clear boundaries, rewards and consequences.

The specific issues and resolutions are definitely going to vary from family-to-family, but the process will be very much the same. If a family has a regular forum to discuss issues and ideas, they can use those meetings to sort out most problems. Larger issues, often associated with teens, such as driving, dating, and paying for college, require more thought and discussion. Fortunately, we most often know when these issues are approaching and can focus on them early. I suggest pulling out the calendar with the family at least once a year to identify the big issues on the horizon. Once the issues are identified, schedule some time to talk when you won’t be interrupted. With proper discussion, resolution to any problem is possible.

Do you think the role of the father is changing over time? If so, how?

The role of the father is definitely changing. In the past, our role was “bread winner” and disciplinarian. Now, fathers play a much more prominent role in day-to-day activities at home (if we allow ourselves to). This boosts our job as role model and gives us more opportunity to interact and make a pronounced impact on how our kids develop.

How important is it for parents to find a balance between their own personal needs and wants and that of their children? How does someone even go about that?

This is the million-dollar question. Don’t forget to throw in career needs into that mix of competing influences. For years I fell into the trap that so many parents do, distributing attention according to which fire is hottest. The problem is that career needs were always most urgent, followed by family, then by personal. This left me as a very busy worker who rarely found personal time to re-charge. This charge to urgency reduced my effectiveness in all of my roles.

Parents need to step back and take time to prioritize, coordinate efforts, and communicate. When these three elements come together, parents can spend their time in accordance with importance rather than urgency. Parents who are organized, knowledgeable of and aligned with their priorities, and revitalized by pursuit of some personal interest will be much more balanced and prepared to deal with the many challenges of parenthood.

How much do you think "family life" changes depending on geography of the U.S.? Do you think expectations/norms are different in California than they would be in the Midwest?

Geography plays a huge role in our development, but not in our effectiveness as parents and families. California has a different culture then the Midwest. Our interests, pace-of–life and even the approach to relationships is different. However, the one thing that is universal is that we are all guided by the human spirit and all want to raise great kids to carry the torch through the next generation. The exercises of understanding ourselves, communicating effectively with our family members, and planning for the future translate into improved family relationships and better quality of life, regardless of what region that life takes place in.

What do you think is the biggest danger or challenge for families today? Do you see that changing in the next few decades?

The biggest danger I see is the pace of “progress.” I have seen the generation gap grow the technological advances during the 20-30 years between generations has grown exponentially. As a parent, there are too many things in cyber space to worry about, so I have to try and instil the fundamental values early on and hope that my kids carry them through. I simply can’t police everything they do...and don’t want to.

During the coming decades, I see the pace continuing to ramp up. The transfer of value sets and good sense from mom and dad to their kids will become even more important. As a society, we can’t afford to let kids exist in an isolated bubble playing video games and watching YouTube. My kids will have to actively seek to engage with my grandkids and introduce them to active pastimes. They’ll have to fend off evermore seductive video games and passive uses of time.

How consistent are you in following your own advice? Do you catch your author side sometimes at odds with your practical fatherly side?

I will be the first to tell you my family is far from perfect. We have made tremendous progress, but still have a long way to go (and always will). I’ve come to the realization that satisfaction as a parent and a person is about improvement, not perfection. If my family is getting better, I am happy.

I definitely sometimes have trouble following my own advice. But, I always do follow a couple of important pieces that I discuss in the last chapter... “Make the effort” and “Have realistic expectations.” If I find myself or my family straying from our rules, I accept it and then try to fix it, rather than deem it a failed experiment and give up. Again, we are not pursuing perfection; we are just trying to steadily improve.

Is there anything else you want to add that I didn't ask about?

The only other thing that I would add is that the process of building structure around your values takes time and effort. If anyone is looking for a “quick fix,” I’ll save them the effort and let them know that there are no sustainable “quick fixes” when it come s to family. Family is such a blessing, it is worth the effort to do it right.

Also, if any of your readers would like to create their own Family Constitutions, I have an online template and coaching services to help them achieve their goals. They can visit www.yourfamilyconstitution.com for details.

THE BOOK FAERY REVIEWS...Thanks again Scott for taking the time out to share with us. I personally am going to change my approach when it comes to the kids. The book was an eye opener for me and it was so easy and quick to read. Be sure to stop at his site because it has a lot of good information!

READERS...Scott Gale is letting me give away a copy of his book Your Family Constitution. Leave a comment telling me that you want to reconnect with your kids and/or how important family is to you with your e-mail address for 1 entry in. The giveaway ends 11:59pm Sunday, August 23rd.

To get additional entries, do the following and get 1 more entry for each:

1) Blog Giveaway or Post on Facebook

2) Tweet about it making sure you add @farrah1230

3) Become an e-mail and/or RSS subscriber

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2Apr/090

Free Spirit & Giveaway…4.02.09

“Free Spirit is the leading publisher of learning tools that support young people’s social and emotional health. Everyday life presents many challenges for kids, from home to school to the wider world. No matter how many choices and changes young people face, our mission for over 25 years remains the same: to help children and teens think for themselves, succeed in life, and make a difference in the world.” – Free Spirit

readingexpressions

The folks over at Free Spirit Publishing sent the kids and me some books to look over for them.  When I say “some”, I do not just mean 1 or 2 or even 3 books…they sent me SIX!

The books were geared perfectly for them, eye appealing in every sense, and entertaining while still relaying an informative good message.  I HIGHLY recommend these books and others at Free Spirit to parents, teachers, and child care givers.  As I read these books to and with my children we were able to speak about the topics just read and apply them in real life.  As you can see above, the younger 2 had a blast sharing with me various expressions after we read The Way I Feel and Just Because I Am.  While the youngest may not yet have understood applying the reading to life, she had a good time showing me her faces and looking at the colorful artwork.  My son was able to express his feelings to me and understand that it was ok to have the feelings that he may experience.  And My oldest daughter was able to openly talk about bullying in and out of school after understanding what it meant to bully or be bullied.

Thanks Free Spirit for sharing these great books with me!

Now the fun part…With Free Spirit’s help, The Book Faery Reviews is giving away TWO books to ONE lucky reader!!  The randomly selected winner will receive a copy of The Power of Positive Talk AND Just Because I Am.  Woohoo!!

The giveaway ends Saturday, April 4th at 11:59pm ET.  The winner will be announced Sunday, April 5th so be sure to fill out the form you see below and leave a comment.

Enter the Free Spirit Giveaway
No longer is there a need to comment 5 times in a row now! The Book Faery Reviews now has a new special form just for you!
Complete this form to enter into this week's giveaway. Only the owner of this blog will be able to view your answers. For EACH field that you add text or check that is not starred, you will receive an additional entry. Don't forget to leave a standard comment down below in the comments section of this blog post to get your FIRST entry. Good Luck!

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